The first couple is convinced that they should give away the money in order to be free of it, but they never do it actually. They have the mistaken concept that holiness equals radical renounce(ment) but they cannot do it and in consequence they live with a sense of guilt because of the attachment. This couple honestly would like to love God, but their underlying attitude is fear (of) him; they are afraid of a demanding God and find the heights of sanctity too frightening. They live and die remaining in the same situation without resolving the problem and really answering God’s call to them.
The second couple decides beforehand that they should keep the money and use it for good, for example investing it and from the profit regularly give to the poor. They desire to be free of the attachment to the money but in the same time also want to keep it, convinced that they know how to use it for the greater glory of God and how to "save their souls." Also this couple remains in their attachment which they don’t recognize either, they decide without discernment with an attitude of bargaining and a sort of pretense.
The third couple too wants to be free of attachments, but they do not decide immediately either to get rid of the money (or) to keep it. They don’t act without discernment, without seeing how this sum integrates in their life and relationship with God. Their attitude is the abandonment and openness toward God, a childlike trust in him as they try to understand for what he inspires them and what is the better for them. When Jesus in the gospels tells the disciples to become like children, he calls to this attitude of trust and dependence on God: "Amen, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven." (Mt 18:3) . . . - Step by Step Retreats, step 13
Continuing my focus on non-monetary application from my previous two sessions:
I have attempted both of the first two approaches. In the first decade of our marriage, I was more like the second couple. I was determined to cling to what I knew I needed regardless of the impact it had on my bride and our relationship. If she had a problem with one of my friendships, I considered it "her problem." This created an adversarial relationship between us that tended to both separate me emotionally from my bride and draw me closer to my friend in emotionally unhealthy ways. My refusal to truly trust God to provide for my needs resulted in my determination to provide for them according to my own understanding.
Later I became more like the first couple. Understanding the pitfalls of my previous approach, I became unwilling to enter any friendship with the slightest potential for me to misuse it in that way. There were, of course (well, it's "of course" to people who know me well) good reasons why I overcompensated in this way. Perhaps God has used this period to provide enough distance from the earlier one to break a habit that I might have tended to fall back into. The thing is, when I finally reached the point of being able to find something more like the middle ground, I still had to break some of the old habits.
I think I'm still only beginning to see how to take each friendship as it comes, accepting in each case God's guidance over how to conduct it, being truly sensitive to my bride's needs as well as my own and my friend's, and above all seeking to truly honor and glorify God as I trust him in the conduct of my life. But my remaining attachment to the perceived needs that I am trying to have met, by insistence to God that he isn't providing for me in some way, is a clear indicator that I still have a long way to grow.
I think that, if we were journeying through the exercises together, my wife and I would probably need to focus as much on the financial aspect of this step as we would on the relational one.
To include the obvious conclusion of this step's meditation:
From this point of view, only the third couple goes through a transformation of their desire and reaches freedom from their attachment, while the first two did not change at all or only (temporized) about it. The dynamics of this therapeutic transformation of attitudes can be applied also to the struggles of addicted or neurotic persons with their problems. - ibid.
And I suppose this last sentence probably describes me more accurately than I would like to think.
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