And he went up on the mountain, and called to him those whom he desired; and they came to him. - Mk 3, 13
Ah, but now Jesus desires all of us, and calls all of us to himself. How often we - well, I - fail to respond.
Sometimes, I confess, I still feel more like Judas: outwardly answering Jesus' call, yet keeping my secret heart hidden, not fully trusting that I can share my deepest concerns and perceived failings. Most of the time I think it's okay because my motivations are different, because I do this from a desire not to hurt others. But this results in a pattern of closing myself off of which I then avail myself whenever I find it convenient.
There is no one with whom I'm fully open, really. I wish there was. It is no one's fault, though, save my own.
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