Ok. I can't quit.

But I guess I've made a big mistake.

My first really close friendship with a woman grew mysteriously out of a ridiculous crush I had in my freshman year of high school.  I made a total fool of myself.  But by sophomore year we were in the same circle of friends and learned to enjoy each other's company.  She transferred to her local public high school for her last two years,  probably a pretty good move as we were not the most academically motivated group for her to hang out with, and she really needed to do better than she was in applying herself to her studies.  (So did I, for that matter; the semi-Montessori program in which we were pioneers would be closed down within a few years after we graduated, probably done in mostly by teenagers' insistence on acting like teenagers.)  We remained friends, but gradually grew apart, as you'd expect, due to the lack of consistent contact.

When we went to college, we were both surprised to run into a familiar face on the large campus.  We soon became good friends in the way that I'd eventually come to think only young people did.  I'd be hard pressed to remember the details, or to describe the process, or to do it justice.  But by fall semester of our sophomore year we both admitted that we had strong feelings for each other, while acknowledging that our situations - well, mostly hers, but I really did understand - wouldn't allow us to pursue that, so we didn't.  We remained friends, and she attended my wedding a little over a year later to my high school sweetheart after we'd reunited.

I can understand why my bride would feel intimidated by my friend.  But we've been married for thirty one and a half years, and in that time I've seen my old friend on only one occasion, when we happened to run into each other while I was home for my grandfather's funeral at the same time she was there for a visit.  We lost track for a while in between, chiefly due to my inability to correspond - if any reader of this blog can believe that - but have reconnected through mutual friends and modern communication (e-mail, mostly).  So when we decided to attend a wedding in the city where my friend and her husband have settled, of course I want for us to get together, and of course I wouldn't consider leaving my wife out.

And of course I knew she wouldn't want to.  And of course I sent the e-mail anyway, without talking about it with her first.

The thing is, while my friend and I loved each other, we made the appropriate decisions about it.  We were never lovers, always honored and respected each other's relationship status.  If she ever had misgivings about my marriage, she never said so.

So I am going to see my friend - for the first time in almost three decades - along with her husband, and there aren't going to be anything like "sparks" between us, and my wife can choose to join me or not.  If she does, I will be glad to have her there (so long as she's not going to be able to be described as "sitting there like a gargoyle").