Wanting vs. willingness

In any relationship, in most areas mutual willingness is sufficient, there are some in which mutual wanting is probably called for, and there are others in which no degree of mutual consent will suffice.  And it's probably a strange mind that chews on these things!  And while I'm couching examples in terms of marriage, the same general concepts apply to friendships and other relationships, too.

For instance, if my wife really wants us to go to the beach for vacation, and it isn't exactly what I want yet I'm willing to go along with it, well, let's pack the bags and go.  And that's okay as the wanting and the willing aren't always one way.  Many areas of our relationships are that way, and as long as the same person isn't always doing the "going along," that's okay.

There are a few areas in which if one of us wants a thing and the other is merely willing - especially if reluctantly - to go along, we probably shouldn't do it unless we agree that it's the probably best course of action.  This would include things like major purchases, uprooting the family, etc.  These things should usually require more than mere permission.  And there may be some areas where one person just really ought to set aside their want if they know the other isn't enthusiastic about it.  I will confess I haven't always been good at recognizing these areas.

And for some areas, even mutual enthusiasm isn't sufficient.  Many of these are called "crimes," but by no means all.

But trying to think through every little thing in these terms can drive a person nuts!  It's better to have a clear sense of these things in advance.