Matthew Kelly has challenged me this morning to find God in at least three ways through the course of the day, but I've already found him in two. Some would argue that finding Him in my relationship with two different friends is really the same thing, but I think you'll see why I count them differently.
One friend is present a lot lately, and I love this. I love being able to touch base and know that someone is there, listening to what is on my mind and responding, making sure that I don't feel alone. It is the gift of presence and closeness.
The other friend suddenly distanced herself from me a couple months ago, and I don't understand why. It feels lonely. She assured me, not long before that, that she was always with me, even when she didn't respond to me. But now I can't know whether she meant that would always be true, or only in the particularly scary circumstance that she was helping me through in the moment. I wonder how much longer it will be this way, whether the next thing will be more closeness or more distance, and even if she still cares. I wonder if she would understand how my not knowing where I stand with her makes her absence hurt so much more than if I knew she would be back in contact with me soon. The somewhat remote glimpses she has left me into her life feel a bit like reading a passage from a Gospel; they reveal a little of her to me but don't always make me feel like I'm still part of her life. I wonder whether I matter.
God can be a lot like both of these dear friends for us, sometimes even at the same time.
I realize, as I finish with this entry, that God is also revealed in my relationship with my bride, which sometimes feels like both of the above simultaneously. She is always there, and I love that and rely on it, and I'm also almost always longing for it to be more or different, striving for growth and a closer union.
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