Why I'm cock obsessed, part 1

Dad teaching me the meaning of what I'd said to my sister.

I was probably 11 or 12 years old, my sister either 6 or 7, and we were playing in our hedged back yard with a newer neighbor. He was between our ages, though probably closer to mine. I'd been fairly sheltered, and had no idea what he meant when he asked her if she would blow him, and I'm absolutely certain that she didn't, either. I think he took his juvenile penis out, and I think she momentarily put it in her mouth when he told her to. (I'm so very sorry, dear one; I was too naive to know to protect you. Please forgive me.) The next day, in her room, I repeated what I'd heard him request. I knew it was wrong, even with my limited understanding of why. (Despite my ignorance, I now understand that this was sexual abuse.) I am so grateful that she declined. Mom was walking by, though, and was too appalled to discipline me herself. I was to wait for Dad to deal with it. Meanwhile I was (understandably) grounded.

Saturday morning came, and Mom broke with custom by taking my sister grocery shopping with her. Dad called me into the den, where he ascertained that I didn't understand what I'd requested of my sister earlier in the week. He then proceeded to begin to correct this gap in my knowledge, by taking out his penis and instructing me to put it in my mouth. It wasn't the first time I'd seen it, of course; there had been numerous benign visits to the trough bathrooms at Memorial Stadium, where I noticed how much larger his member was than mine. He wasn't erect on this day, either. I knew I was in too much trouble to dare to question. I did as I was told. The bitter taste of urine remains seared in my memory. I very soon removed my mouth from his penis, and when he told me to put it back in my mouth I said I didn't want to, that I didn't like it. "Then don't ask your sister to do it," he concluded, finally putting his dick away. And as I left the room, "Your mother doesn't need to know about this."

It would be twenty five years before I told her.

This is still the only time I've ever had a penis in my mouth. I've never had a hard cock in it. That first time was such a traumatic experience? Why do I so long to suck one now?