A not-completely helpful theme

Suicide is not a cowardly or selfish act.

This is an important message to deliver. However, here's the dangerous thing about it: for some who walk in darkness, the thought that taking their own life would be selfish - a glimmer of understanding of how devastating it would be for those who love us - is sometimes the one thing that has kept us from actually doing it. That is, this stigma that is traditionally associated with suicide does carry some preventive value.

In my darkest moments, I have found it helpful to think of the effects that my demise would have on the people whom I love - particularly the possible financial, emotional and spiritual ramifications. I was actually encouraged and trained to think this way, particularly in terms of the emotional fallout, by mental health professionals, when I was closest to taking my own life. Having lived in the aftermath of my dad's suicide when I was fourteen, these ramifications are not some nebulous concept for me; I actually experienced the short- and longer-term impact that his absence had on my life. That isn't to say that I think my own life would have been better had he continued to live his life impaired by alcohol and emotionally broken, but it certainly would have been different.

In my adult darkness, the effect that my self-inflicted demise would have on the people I've already hurt so deeply has been a touchstone to help me seek out a better answer. Note that this touchstone was actually a part of that answer; in the grand scheme of a healthy life it should be only a minority part - it is still important to find reasons to live for my own sake as well as for that of my loved ones - but in the darkness of despair it can be a bigger lifeline than an emotionally healthy person might imagine. Considering the impact that killing myself would have on those around me has also been a helpful tool for expanding my view beyond the circumstances that might otherwise consume me.

Now, calling suicide cowardly or selfish in its aftermath - as at least one commentator did in response to Robin Williams' death - is completely unhelpful for the loved ones who are trying to deal with it. It is a useless and misguided judgment of the departed. But let's not take the consideration of our relationship with our loved ones and the effect we have on them completely out of the toolbag, okay?