His dad and mine were drunk together at every family gathering when we were growing up. He was charming, and fun. But I had at least one advantage he didn't: my drunken dad was not my biological father, so I didn't inherit any genetic tendency to alcoholism.
I think he was lost already by the time he decided to embrace the "Flap" persona.
Beyond the genetics, who knows fully how his own choices played out in his life? What role did his unspeakable act in his youth, against someone who trusted him utterly, have in his subsequent inability to live with himself in the absence of self-medication? (No, it wasn't me. I learned of this only this century, and am leaving it vague out of respect for the privacy of someone I love dearly.) It's pretty easy to understand why he alone among his siblings stuck by his drunken father side in his parents' divorce; neither of them ever viewed the other's alcoholism as a problem. It's easy to understand why he chose his addiction - insofar as he was able to choose, or "why he couldn't help but choose" - over his wife and son.
And it is easy, in hindsight, to understand that he could not hope to face his life soberly.
I find myself praying for God's grace to reach him in eternity where Dave did not allow it to do so in time. Also, I am praying for all those who have loved him much more closely than I ever had a chance to. I mean, when I was a kid I probably looked up to him more than any of my cousins; he was the most popular and charismatic of them; I believe this "golden boy" status became a negative influence in his life. And he alone of my cousins came to support my mom (his godmother) when my sister died, though in hindsight I wonder how much of that was his mom's instigation and implementation. But it was back around the time - over a decade before - that he transitioned to Flap, that I became pretty disillusioned with what he was about, and pretty disappointed at how those around him, including my mom and uncle, embraced this image he seemed to be trying to create of himself. Still, they are not responsible for who Dave became or how his life turned out, by any means.
How deeply he hurt those who loved him: his mother, siblings, ex-wife, and son.
Eternal rest grant unto him, O Lord, and let perpetual light shine upon him. May he rest in peace. May any bonds that have entered other lives through his influence be broken and each person set free, and those who have loved him be comforted in their pain and loss.
No comments:
Post a Comment