A debt, or a longing?

Fifteen ago, my therapists carefully established the fact that I owed no one else my story. Anyone I shared it with in the future would be a matter of my own choice. The thing is, there is still one person with whom I wish I could share it. I'm not sure, though, what my motivation is.  Is it out of a desire for her to simply know me? Is it that I still wish for one more person - once so dear and so close to me, and whose opinion rated more highly with me than anyone else's - to affirm that this is not the central truth of my life? (I mean, on multiple counts: really??) Could it be that I wish for closure for these two different pieces of my past? Is it simply my longing to rekindle a friendship that I know I put beyond my reach when I allowed it to become what it should never have been, when I coveted more than a friendship with her?

At any rate, there is no doubt in my mind that to contact her again would be one of the most selfish things I could do. It would be an act of putting myself ahead of everyone I claim to care about, including not only my bride and our loved ones but also her and her family. I'm kind of glad that I'm not the guy anymore who was so compelled by my own feelings as to convince himself that it was okay to impose my own wishes on the lives around me.