"Without self indulgence"

I used that phrase a couple posts ago, and it's time to come back to it in more detail.

Self indulgence can take a lot of forms.  It most commonly refers to our reckless abandon in making choices that fill some desire, or even a legitimate need, at the expense of the people around them.  The rake who refuses to observe any need for fidelity in his relationships, for instance, indulges his perceived lack without true regard for either the feelings of the other people in his life or the growth he can only experience by making different choices.  Materialists may indulge their desires for technology or other goods, rather than using their resources in ways that really reflect good stewardship.  We can, well I have in the past, been emotionally self-indulgent,when my need for emotional closeness seemed more important to me than the message I was sending to my bride about her worth as a person and a partner.  I could write at self-flagellating length about that one, or author page upon page of other examples of self indulgence in other areas of life, either of which would probably be self indulgent!

Even as we exercise restraint in our behavior we can indulgently feel proud of ourselves for having put others ahead of our own wishes, and nurture in ourselves an inner sense of others' indebtedness to us as a result.  I can think of myself as some sort of martyr because I've chosen to deny some aspect of my self that I might value.  This form of self-indulgence, can be just as dangerous, just as damaging to my relationships as if I'd chosen in the first place the form of indulging myself that I allow myself to become inflated over.

There's another way of self-indulging, too: I can feel entitled my opinion myself.  We can indulge our own right to be who we think ourselves to be. I've struggled with that, and it's a hard one to let go of.  The guise of holding ourselves to a high standard of behavior can be an odd sort of ego indulgence, even or especially when we've failed to meet it.

The idea of all this reflection is not to get wrapped introspectively into the many ways we might fail to simply live selflessly, but to simply be aware that there are pitfalls to watch out for as we try to live simply, without indulging ourselves.