Today's words

Courtesy of the Dictionary Devil puzzle:

epigone \ˈe-pə-ˌgōn\ - follower, disciple; also :  an inferior imitator

Silly me. I had the right idea about this word but the completely wrong pronunciation and etymology, based on my misunderstanding that it would be related to "epitome."

compurgator \ˈkäm-(ˌ)pər-ˌgā-tər\ - one who under oath vouches for the character or conduct of an accused person

Because everybody needs a twenty-five cent word that means "character witness."

debenture \di-ˈben-chər\ - 1. British :  a corporate security other than an equity security :  bond
2.  a bond backed by the general credit of the issuer rather than a specific lien on particular assets

I'm pretty sure I've heard this investment term before. I couldn't have told you what it means, though.

That moment when . . .

. . . an old friend, who has been aware of my history nearly from the start - though she never really understood our situation very well, for which I've always made allowances because, after all, who would want to? - calls the house and opens the conversation with, "I'm sorry, I know this is going to sound awkward, but I needed to talk with you instead of your wife because you're the only person I know who," and proceeds to name the worst possible truth about me using the most legally inaccurate descriptor possible. I let this pass, too, as she was clearly distraught and struggling. She then followed up by describing a family situation that must be reported to the authorities.

Must.

It makes me grateful, for the moment, to be in my own shoes, to be able to speak clarity into the muddiness of their lives, to expose the thinking errors that will otherwise keep her from doing what she must.

But if she won't, then I must.

Feeling hopeless again. And then not.

You know, I'm not really all that guarded. You just don't care enough to read my expressed thoughts, or to set aside your vapid entertainment to have a real, human connection. No wonder I so often feel as if I'm alone in the world.

I wrote the previous paragraph after coming in from mowing on a humid night to find a detestable program on the television. I retreated upstairs to cool down and resigned myself to soon calling it an early night.

Shortly thereafter, I was pleasantly surprised when she came upstairs and asked if I wanted to play what has become our nightly game.

I'm not sure whether this bodes well for the future or if it's just a matter of there only being one thing on that catches her interest at present. But in either case, it is also a case study for me of the importance of not rushing into snap judgments and not assuming the worst. There are indeed things in our relationship which will be impossible to change, but I need to quit doubting that I can trust God to use our marriage to make me into the person he dreams for me to be.

An idol

I suppose if we were a nation with whom God had established a covenant, I would feel a whole lot more worried about an idolatrous statue. But I think the idols we already worship are way worse than this one.

And I'm not just talking about others.

Today's words

abulia \ay-BOO-lee-uh\ - abnormal lack of ability to act or to make decisions

Wow, a completely new one.  I wonder if this is applicable to the usually temporary - if sometimes quite long term - depressed condition from which some mourners often feel unable to rouse themselves.

etymon \ˈe-tə-ˌmän\ - 1a.  an earlier form of a word in the same language or an ancestral language
b.  a word in a foreign language that is the source of a particular loanword  2.  a word or morpheme from which words are formed by composition or derivation

Another new word, though with a familiar root. (Well, I suppose the "a" in the previous word meets that criterion, too.)

A bright light

We went to the area board meeting in Cincinnati on Friday night, not really knowing what to expect but mainly hoping to connect with the larger Marriage Encounter community. We also hoped there might be other couples from the Dayton area there, but apparently none of the leaders could get subs to attend.

(The meeting was in the current parish of our former pastor, but it turns out that he was out of town on vacation, so there wasn't a chance to see him.)

After the informal meet and greet period, we had an opening prayer and then took some time for introductions. There were a lot of couples from around the Cincinnati and northern Kentucky area, and apparently we weren't the only ones there for the first time. I was surprised at what happened next, as the couple who was leading the meeting apparently thought the couple from the ecclesial team was going to be presenting, and vice versa! Oops.

Fortunately the ecclesial team couple at least had a dialogue question handy on which we could write and share: In what ways to I struggle to be vulnerable to you? What are my feelings about my answer?

Well, I must confess to experiencing a moment of panic when I heard this. Did I dare to tell the truth concerning the depth of my isolation? I suppose I decided that it was now or never. It wouldn't be right to share here what I wrote to my bride, but it was honest and vulnerable and heartfelt. I know it was a surprise to her, but she received it in the same spirit as I offered it.

In turn, she also shared a significant struggle that she has in our relationship, one that didn't surprise me at all and very much fits with our relationship history. Again, it wouldn't be proper to share what that is, but I think I can say without compromising her confidence that, if I am not primarily responsible for her struggle, I did substantially contribute to it through the way I treated her in the first decade and a half of our marriage.

We have a follow-up question on which we have agreed to dialogue, but having the younger two of the older set of grandchildren over last night prevented our doing so. I believe I will invite her to do so shortly.

A glimmer

The line in this great article that was most helpful to me:

One thing I love about marriage (and I love a lot of things about marriage) is that you can have a bad day or even a bad few years, full of doubt . . . and confusion . . .