Restful weekend

No work. Three naps. I suppose the only way I could have been better rested is if I had also gotten full night's sleep Friday and Saturday nights. But after the last couple weeks and weekends, I'll take it.

This is ridiculous

I'm working entirely too many hours. 😠

Sunday: 8
Monday: "only" 9, but then very early Tuesday morning
Tuesday: 14
Wednesday: 5 so far, and at least 5 more to go 

And there were a bunch extra last week, too, including a 16-hour day/night.

This is not healthy.

Updated lunch time Wednesday.

Realization

I was 37 years old before I was emotionally healthy enough to make effective decisions about relationships.

By then I'd been married for 17 years.

It's worked out pretty well anyway.

Shades of Grey's

My wife (and daughter) are off to Millington, just north of Memphis, for her uncle's 95th birthday on Sunday. Her dad's brother is a Pearl Harbor survivor, and I really wanted to go with them to celebrate his birthday, too, but am in the middle of a proposal cycle at work which came fast on the heels of other proposal and white paper work, so I couldn't take the time off, especially the two days that my wife insisted on having for the trip. I get that she needed to take four days, for multiple reasons. Mainly, she's not up for that long drive twice in three days anymore. That isn't what has me feeling so discouraged.

Mostly, it's just "SSDY" with the television - same shit, different year (as opposed to the standard "different day").

As is our custom, I kissed her when I got home from work last night. I then told her that I wasn't attending my scheduled (optional) meeting because I wanted us to have the time together. Monday and Tuesday night I was up until midnight working on a proposal, so even though special choir and prayer group were cancelled those two nights and I was home, it isn't as if we'd had any time together. Then Wednesday night choir was followed by an outing at the local watering hole, so we again didn't have any time to hang out as a couple. (And to make matters worse, we had a bit of a conversation hog between us and most of our favorite people, so that wasn't very enjoyable for either of us, either.) It was important to me that we have some time together last night before she left today for the weekend, so I made this a higher priority than my other options for the evening, even though I value that ministry very highly.

Instead, as my wife headed out the door with our daughter Melissa to buy groceries for her trip, she let me know that she'd be home soon . . . because she didn't want to miss Grey's Anatomy. She knows I can't stand to be in the same room with this show. I knew that an early bedtime needed to follow for both of us, so that she'd be well rested for the drive and I could start recovering from the insane work week.

I know, it isn't really any big deal. It is just the ongoing story of our life together. But there seems to be something on every night of the week that she insists on watching. I am tired of feeling alone.

(I have told her this on multiple occasions. I am done with trying, and I am tired of living with it.)

This is how i always feel
And "this" is also still an anagram.

I feel at home . . .

. . . in winter. . . 
. . . in the cold, dark of this bleak season.

All it takes . . .

. . . to be the Father's obedient son (or daughter) is one decision . . . at a time.

And all it takes to be the disobedient one is one decision, too.

It's just a matter of what we want more, and of letting the Holy Spirit provide enough faith in God, enough grace, to trust that God's will for us is really better than our own.

Sometimes I'm that humble.

Too often I am not.