trying to remember the last day when i didn't at least once wish that i was dead.

a few whys

why do we insist on believing that our view of the world is the accurate one? (this may be linked to original sin, I think, actually)

why do we insist that the version of someone we have come to know is the true one?

why do we conflate experience with truth?

 

Today's words

spalpeen /spal-ˈpēn , spȯl-/ - chiefly Irish  : rascal

portamento /ˌpȯr-tə-ˈmen-(ˌ)tō/ - a continuous gliding movement from one tone to another (as by the voice)

I suppose I've been the first, and have often done the second.

When you know the truth

and you even speak the truth on a regular basis

but it doesn't seem to matter to your private decisions.

the video doesn't lie

i thought i'd gamboled up that warped wall like a gazelle, hoisted myself to the top victoriously, and gracefully slid back down the pole to rejoin my teammates.

no.

i crawled up like a sloth, dragged myself up laboriously, and slid down awkwardly.

i've always been ugly and awkward. 

now i'm also old, fat, and slow.

i have finally figured out . . .

. . . that i am never going to make it. 
but i will keep faking it until i finally fucking die.

Shhhh . . .

I'm lying by omission and coerced inference, at least a little, when I say I've had plenty of time to miss you. I'm sure I actually would miss you if you were gone much longer, but for now I'm enjoying you being gone.

God forgive and help me.

Smart aleck comment I bit my tongue on instead

"My brother-in-law is trying to poison me," she jested after encountering a bad hard-boiled egg.

"Tell him I'm not paying him until the job's done," I realized (barely in time, but fortunately) I shouldn't say in reply!

I don't think that would have been received as I would have intended it.

She isn't the one I'd want him to poison.

Challenge

"Get your head in a good place," she said.

"Yeah. Good luck with that," replied my head.

What sort of person???

Don't put those shirts back in my room. 

Where are you taking that ironing board?

Into the sewing room.

Why?

To press my shirts.

I don't want that in my room.

i don't leave it in there.

(never freaking mind the minimal amount of room it occupies standing folded up in the corner if i did, i don't say out loud)

Why do you need to do that in there anyway?

Well, the iron's already in there, and it's a convenient space. It's just easier.

(Silence.)

You don't mind me using your iron, too, do you?

Actually, I do.

Okay. Can you explain why?

Well, the only reason I can think of I asked for a new iron for myself for my birthday, not for the house. 

Really? i have to have my own ironing board and (crappy old) iron and space, even if i put everything away every time, because you don't want to share your nice new stuff even with me, and even when I bought it for you? Are you afraid I'm going to break your fancy new iron somehow? Do you think I want to overpay for another one to replace it if I do?

More significantly: what do you think our life together is supposed to be about, exactly?

Another day in paradise (by the dashboard light). As anti-marriage as that song is, there's another reason I hate it.

Another lie

They've been the same from the very beginning, but what they all come down to is:

It's okay to decide for yourself (or, to all of humanity, among yourselves) what is right and what is wrong. 

Isn't that the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil? But what is the true, long-term fruit of that tree? Isn't it relativism?

I prefer to trust in my loving Father, who both knows and truly wants what is best for me, rather than in the mass of humanity whose chief interest lies in each of ourselves.

So when humanity insists that my sin is not so bad, a normal part of human nature, or even laudable and beneficial, it might appeal to my natural - and, I should be honest: selfish - inclinations. But it will not ultimately result in my becoming the person my loving Father dreams for me to become: the image and bodily presence of His beloved Son.

The arrogance of self-determinism underlies all the deadly sins and undermines all virtue.

Lies which the evil one uses

All of his lies are intended to make us disbelieve either our identity as God's children or our destiny in living in His love. In the broadest sense, they include:

• God's blessings are burdens.
• The things and actions from which God tells us to abstain are blessings.
• The remarkable things God has done in others' lives are beyond us.
• We are incapable of that to which God calls us.
• God's timeless truth is outdated ignorance.
• We have plenty of time to be obedient and trust Him. "It can wait."
• Living for the moment means putting off God's will for later.
• My sins are greater than others'.
• The particular way that I am disregarding God is not that important.
• A small and understandable disobedience is no big deal.
• Other's sins are greater than mine (or mine isn't really a sin).

(The critical reader may note that there is significant overlap among these.) Now, the specifics to which our adversary applies these lies vary greatly from one person to the next. But the general theme of them is the same in all of our lives, and they are all intended to keep us from embracing our identity and our destiny of beloved sons and daughters of a Father who knows what is truly best for us and reveals it through His Word and His Church.

So whether the thing with which we compromise be connected to lust, gluttony, greed, sloth, wrath, envy, or pride, let us renounce the lie beneath it and embrace God's greater plan for us as sons and daughters destined for eternal holiness.

Today's word

A couple recent Words of the Day:
orgulous /OR-gyuh-lus/ - proud

This is definitely a new one on me. I think for most of my usage, "haughty" (which I thought of before scrolling to the Test Your Vocabulary portion of the post) will suffice.

lapidary /LAP-uh-dair-ee/ - 1. a cutter, polisher, or engraver of precious stones usually other than diamonds 2. the art of cutting gems

So, just to be clear: a lapidary is a practitioner of lapidary.

And a bunch from the Dictionary Devil:
sidereal /sī-ˈdir-ē-əl , sə-/ -  of, relating to, or expressed in relation to stars or constellations : astral

I have encountered this word before and have always understood it in context, but didn't get it without context around it. 

anfractuosity /(ˌ)an-ˌfrak-chə-ˈwä-sə-tē , -shə- ; -chü-ˈä- , -shü-/ - 1. the quality or state of being anfractuous 2. a winding channel or course; especially : an intricate path or process (as of the mind)

I've heard of, and perhaps even used, the term anfractuous before. I've always used the last pronunciation

campanology // - the art of bell ringing

I've practiced this, if hand bells count, but don't know if I've ever heard it called this. Don't know why they don't give a pronunciation, but it's pretty standard.

loblolly /ˈläb-ˌlä-lē/ - 1. dialect a : a thick gruel  b : mire, mudhole  2. dialect : lout  3. loblolly pine

The puzzle used the first definition. The only one I'd ever heard used was the last. 

qiviut /ˈkē-vē-ət , -vē-ˌüt/ -  the wool of the undercoat of the musk ox

Another completely new word for me. I hope I recognize it should I encounter it again.

Today's words

slimsy /SLIM-zee/ - flimsy, frail

Pretty sure I've never encountered this one, but I agree with the post writer's assessment that this should be apparent by context. I got it even in the absence of context.

weald /WEELD/ - 1. a heavily wooded area : forest  2. a wild or uncultivated usually upland region

On the other hand, I'm pretty sure I've seen this one before, and am also pretty sure that the only way I'll recognize it in the future is by context.

If joy is the mark of the authentic Christian life . . .

. . . then i must be an utter fraud . . .

. . . but if it is love . . .

. . . then perhaps not.

Balance in relationships?

Gotta be careful about this one, because you can take this valid and important thought and carry it all the way to obsessively twisted.

One indicator of a dying relationship is when the two people in it aren't roughly equivalently important to, and committed to, each other.

Yet I am also convinced that this is true in our relationship with God. His love and His nature are such that we are far more important to Him than even the most devoted of us allow Him to be to us.

Today's words

risorgimento /ree-zor-jih-MEN-toh/ - 1. often capitalized, the 19th century movement for Italian political unity 2. a time of renewal or renaissance : revival

Nice word with an interesting history

inchmeal /INCH-meel/ -  little by little, gradually

New word that I understood instantly.

Vacation

Really nice time visiting the New England area last week. First time in Massachusetts, New Hampshire (briefly), Maine, and Rhode Island. More to share later.