Seven.
I wonder what it would be like if my quality of life depended on this number never returning to zero, if this was as important as a recovering alcoholic, drug, or gambling addict abstaining from their addiction? Would it make it easier to stay on track, or harder, if my perceived stakes were greater? Would there be more pressure, a greater longing for what I could never experience again - especially, in my case, for an alleged part of myself that I've denied? Would I depend on God more, or use the addictive dynamic to reinforce my mistaken notions of my nature to an even greater degree?
I think that the brain mechanism of my addiction and others is probably similar. I have always judged that the consequences of mine are less, but Matthew Kelly has revealed the lie behind the common perception that this a personal thing that doesn't matter much.
I also worry that the adversary will use this fresh awareness to set me up for a bigger fall. I don't, for instance, treat this as morally equivalent to eating more than I should - there may be similarities, but it isn't the same thing; after all, you have to eat to live - and I also no longer treat it as no big deal. I am coming to recognize that every temptation we experience is an assault on our identity and our destiny, and we must meet them in the same was that Jesus met his. I know that I am a beloved Son of the Most High who lives by His grace and draws upon His strength in my weakness, and my purpose is to glorify Him with my entire life.
And this is one area in which I have struggled to do so for as long as it has been physiologically possible.
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