Restful weekend

No work. Three naps. I suppose the only way I could have been better rested is if I had also gotten full night's sleep Friday and Saturday nights. But after the last couple weeks and weekends, I'll take it.

This is ridiculous

I'm working entirely too many hours. 😠

Sunday: 8
Monday: "only" 9, but then very early Tuesday morning
Tuesday: 14
Wednesday: 5 so far, and at least 5 more to go 

And there were a bunch extra last week, too, including a 16-hour day/night.

This is not healthy.

Updated lunch time Wednesday.

Realization

I was 37 years old before I was emotionally healthy enough to make effective decisions about relationships.

By then I'd been married for 17 years.

It's worked out pretty well anyway.

Shades of Grey's

My wife (and daughter) are off to Millington, just north of Memphis, for her uncle's 95th birthday on Sunday. Her dad's brother is a Pearl Harbor survivor, and I really wanted to go with them to celebrate his birthday, too, but am in the middle of a proposal cycle at work which came fast on the heels of other proposal and white paper work, so I couldn't take the time off, especially the two days that my wife insisted on having for the trip. I get that she needed to take four days, for multiple reasons. Mainly, she's not up for that long drive twice in three days anymore. That isn't what has me feeling so discouraged.

Mostly, it's just "SSDY" with the television - same shit, different year (as opposed to the standard "different day").

As is our custom, I kissed her when I got home from work last night. I then told her that I wasn't attending my scheduled (optional) meeting because I wanted us to have the time together. Monday and Tuesday night I was up until midnight working on a proposal, so even though special choir and prayer group were cancelled those two nights and I was home, it isn't as if we'd had any time together. Then Wednesday night choir was followed by an outing at the local watering hole, so we again didn't have any time to hang out as a couple. (And to make matters worse, we had a bit of a conversation hog between us and most of our favorite people, so that wasn't very enjoyable for either of us, either.) It was important to me that we have some time together last night before she left today for the weekend, so I made this a higher priority than my other options for the evening, even though I value that ministry very highly.

Instead, as my wife headed out the door with our daughter Melissa to buy groceries for her trip, she let me know that she'd be home soon . . . because she didn't want to miss Grey's Anatomy. She knows I can't stand to be in the same room with this show. I knew that an early bedtime needed to follow for both of us, so that she'd be well rested for the drive and I could start recovering from the insane work week.

I know, it isn't really any big deal. It is just the ongoing story of our life together. But there seems to be something on every night of the week that she insists on watching. I am tired of feeling alone.

(I have told her this on multiple occasions. I am done with trying, and I am tired of living with it.)

This is how i always feel
And "this" is also still an anagram.

I feel at home . . .

. . . in winter. . . 
. . . in the cold, dark of this bleak season.

All it takes . . .

. . . to be the Father's obedient son (or daughter) is one decision . . . at a time.

And all it takes to be the disobedient one is one decision, too.

It's just a matter of what we want more, and of letting the Holy Spirit provide enough faith in God, enough grace, to trust that God's will for us is really better than our own.

Sometimes I'm that humble.

Too often I am not.

Stupidity and self-destruction don't win, this time

Looks like my hand is going to heal up just fine. And it also looks as if the four weeks it took me to get in to see a doctor - a delay which was mostly not my fault - hasn't had any adverse effects on it, either.

I fear I have become . . .

. . . Pink.

(not to be confused with P!nk)

Today's word

mutatis mutandis /myoo-TAH-tis-myoo-TAHN-dis/ - 1. with the necessary changes having been made 2. with the respective differences having been considered

I love that the examples in this write-up are non-legal.

Strange dreams . . .

In the first dream that I remember from last night, my great aunt Emma was alive. The dream started with an accidental kick in my crotch somehow - I wonder if that was the dog IRL? We hadn't seen each other in decades, so she thought I might not recognize her, but although she looked like a woman in her nineties (okay, not 112, as she'd probably be right now) there was no mistaking her. I tried to get Teri to see if our granddaughter who shares her name could come over to meet her, but that wasn't going to work out.

In my second dream, we were trying to spruce up a school. There were many furnishings that had to be moved around in or removed from various classrooms. Then we had to plant grass seed so that it could take root in the dirt of some of those classrooms before they covered it with carpet. (What can I say: dreams don't always make sense.) As I was leaving, it was night time, and there was a football game going on. A player named Damien Rice, who in my dream was Ray Rice's younger brother, had won the game with a dazzling long play. I tried to congratulate him from my car after the game, but he didn't want that attention from someone of my skin color (again, this was just a dream), and especially resented that I tried to claim some sort of emotional investment in him as a result of my Ravens' fanship. His friends definitely had his back, as everyone convinced me to just leave him alone.

In my third dream, my mother-in-law had outlived her husband (the opposite of their order of passing IRL), and I was helping her prepare to move into an assisted living facility. She wanted to do this, but I was helping her because, in my dream, none of the other family members supported her in this decision. She offered me a couple of different furnishings from the house as we prepared for her move. I woke up with two memories of her: how much she'd despised me, but also how she'd never shown me that and that I only learned of it after she had passed away. 

I hate that the people in my life allowed this knowledge to get back to me, but it isn't as if I deserve to not live with it. 

156, or 164.

Today's words

condottiere /ˌkän-də-ˈtyer-ē , ˌkän-ˌdä-tē-ˈer-/ - 1. a leader of a band of mercenaries common in Europe between the 14th and 16th centuries; also : a member of such a band  2. a mercenary soldier

I encountered this one in the Note associated with the etymology of bomb, and I think it's a great addition to my vocabulary. I presume that the plural form is pronounced identically (in English).

The remainder of these are from the write-up for today's word of the day:

absquatulate /abzˈkwächəˌlāt , abˈsk-/ - 1. slang : decamp a frontiersman preparing to absquatulate and head for the wilderness  2. slang : abscond the cashier absquatulated with the funds

sockdolager (or sockdologer) /säk-ˈdä-li-jər/ - 1. something that settles a matter : a decisive blow or answer : finisher 2. something outstanding or exceptional

callithump /ˈka-lə-ˌthəmp/ - a noisy boisterous band or parade

slumgullion /ˈsləm-ˌgəl-yən , ˌsləm-ˈgəl-/ - a meat stew

These four words seem to share at least three things: 1) they're mentioned in today's writeup 2) because of their mysterious origins from similar geographical and historical roots, and 3) the mistaken sense that I had blogged on each of them previously. I'd definitely thought I'd written about all of them except asquatulate. 

Today's words

sacerdotal /sass-er-DOH-tul/ - 1. of or relating to priests or a priesthood : priestly  2. of, relating to, or suggesting religious belief emphasizing the powers of priests as essential mediators between God and humankind

I believe I shall find use for this word in the future.

hortative /HOR-tuh-tiv/ - giving exhortation : serving to advise or warn

When I saw this word, I thought it would have something to do with horticulture. I urge the reader not to make the same mistake.