Friday, September 22, 2017

I struggle to fully believe that

Last night, for the second time in my life, i received this message from God: "You are not alone." This time it came from the friend who was leading me in an Unbound prayer session. Like the first time, when God seemed to speak directly to my heart by my mom's deathbed, i know that it's true.

But, as on October 20, 2001, it doesn't feel true in my life. In fact, it almost never feels true. Even living in a house with three other people, i almost always feel lonely. Even when i am among other people, even those whom i consider friends, i almost always feel isolated from them. Even just talking casually among coworkers, one of them will share an observation and i know that i'm among the "them" rather than the "us."

Even in prayer, i almost always feel that i am longing for God's presence rather than actually being with Him.

But i will stand on what i know rather than what i feel.

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