. . . with the best of intentions can be driven by those intentions to do terrible things, and even to feel justified in their actions. This is why it's so terribly important to have clear boundaries.
I want to ask you: suppose your mother had interfered like this, conspiring with our oldest daughter's biodad when she was our granddaughter's age?
I'm more than a little afraid to ask you that, though. Experience says that you will dismiss it, and as long as you do, we will be at an impasse. I know you were trying to act in what you think is our granddaughter's best interest, but this giant leap over familial and relationship boundaries has done incredible harm.
And that's just speaking to the boundary violation and its effect on both your relationship with our daughter and, potentially (and ultimately more importantly), her life. The deceitful way you conspired with our granddaughter's biodad to hide this from me also has serious implications for our relationship. I can forgive you for it, and while I know it isn't totally accurate to say that I've done so already, I can honestly say that I have entered into the process and am cooperating with God's grace in this area.
But the restoration of trust in our relationship is not going to be so simple, and will remain impossible as long as you don't recognize the damage you've done to us.
Perhaps it might help for you to talk with your circle of friends about this. I can't believe any of them would think it's okay, and maybe they can help you understand what was wrong with it, the damage that you've done despite your good intentions, and even how to begin to address it. But that will only work if you can be more honest with them about it than you've been with me, even since you've known that you have been discovered.
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