Happiness drivers

I suppose I must've seen some research on this already, or perhaps have been influenced by other reading I've done.  When my therapist asked me to guess what percentage of influence the factors genetics, circumstances, and conscious commitments (other terms might express the same concept) have on our happiness, he told me that no one he'd ever worked with had come so close to guessing what the research actually indicates.  (Ego boost for the week: check.  Are you sure that "being right" isn't a happiness driver?)  I guessed 35, 15, 50.  I knew that genetics played a bigger role in our happiness than most people realize, and knew from previous and recent reading (The Resilience Factor - e-book) that we tend to overestimate the role that circumstances play.  Of course, our consumerist society promotes that impression.  The television, radio and all other forms of advertising are always telling us how to adjust our circumstances to be happier, through buying the latest gadget or product, or vacationing or retiring in the most wonderful locales.

The truth, according to the research, is more like 50, 10, 40.  Now, that could be bad news for those who think their happiness is all about circumstances, because our genetics is one set of circumstances that we simply can't change.  But it's great news for those who realize that 40% of our happiness drivers are under our control!

I think of the decisions I've made and am making to improve my happiness.  The volunteer work -primarily music ministries, but not all - and the faith to which I'm committed are greatly uplifting and deeply fulfilling.  The friendships I've chosen and nurtured make a huge difference in my life, and the ones I've neglected still leave a hole.  I see that even family - and let's face it, everybody knows that "you can't choose your family" - turns out to be a conscious commitment for me, and I suspect for most people.  It's true that we get very little control over who we're related to, except by marriage.  And yet I've seen how making a decision to drift away from family when I was younger left me feeling alone and isolated, and the subsequent decision to nurture those relationships has me feeling much more connected and whole.

The unhealthy decisions we make, and that I've made in the past, may often be more circumstantial than committed.  We often have brokenness in our lives that may have initially been beyond our control, though the adult decisions we make as a result of them are always our responsibility.  But the decision to address these things, aggressively when necessary (including therapy), has definitely been a conscious commitment for me.  It has me feeling much more satisfied with myself as a person, and has all the other relationships in my life in far better balance.

These are good things to remember when the circumstances of work are driving me crazy.  After all, the conscious commitment to continue to do a good job every day and to make the best of things there, coupled with the circumstance of still being employed, drive a lot of the other happiness decisions I'm able to make as a result.