I often hear people focus on whether someone deserves to be forgiven. "Have they done enough to make up for their offense?" seems to be the underlying question. I tend to think this question arises chiefly from the mis-association of forgiveness with trust. It may well be healthy for us to require some evidence of trustworthiness before investing our faith in someone again. But I can, probably should, and often do make the decision to forgive someone independently of any decision to trust them again. My self-trust is a great example of that, in reverse.
I'm convinced that the Christian approach to forgiveness of others is meant to be independent of any action on the offender's part. It's grace: unmerited favor. It is a gift, to be freely offered as it has been freely offered to us.
Oddly, the burden of unforgiveness often does more harm to the person originally offended than it does to their offender. And this burden is often heavier and does more damage than that of the original offense.
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