A need for a more perfect union

I keep waiting for this recent breakthrough, for which I've longed for so many years, to start making the difference in our relationship that I've always imagined it would.  Over and over again I'm amazed as we express the common groundwork we've laid throughout the course of our life.  I hear the echoes of our hearts and our minds beating the same song.  And yet we feel like musicians who can't quite find the groove, each of us intent on the song, yet not able to play it together in a way that lets it just resonate in our lives.  The countermelodies we're interested in exploring don't work together.  We use similar words to describe what we think the song should sound like, but when we actually play it, it's as if we've had a different vision for it all along.

Our different day-to-day interests matter.  At the end of every day, you can't wait to unwind in front of the television, and while there are shows I enjoy, there aren't any that make me say "I'm really looking forward to relaxing for a while and watching the TV."  Certainly not every night!  You realize, right, that there's going to be something "interesting," and even worthwhile, on the television every night, right?  You're not going to miss anything important by choosing not to watch all of whatever tonight's programs might be . . .

The last two days in a row, you've had really great days.  I've admired you (still do) for the way you've lived them, caring for those you love - including me - yet setting your boundaries.  I've had tough but good days, too - for which I don't feel particularly appreciated, btw.  And yet the things we wanted at the end of each day didn't bring us together.  Would that have been different if we'd done the dishes together Wednesday, instead of me finishing them as you came back upstairs at 10:30?  I didn't resent doing them; I was glad to, and I really appreciate that you planned to do at least some of them before you came to bed, even after the day you'd put in.  I'm not complaining about doing this chore, but about how we ended our day in different activities. Would it have made a difference if your biggest concern on the way home from Shelly's party last night wasn't whether the Springsteen special I was finally catching on the DVR was going to keep you from watching your shows, and run off to them as soon as we finished dialoguing? In this case, probably not, as I had work to do, but I'm concerned about the trend of our interests taking us in different directions.  There we were, both nights, in different places, with different interests and priorities at work in our lives.

Don't get me wrong: I'm not going to build this into a crisis for us.  It has been status quo for too long for that, and doesn't keep me from loving you deeply.  But I'm also not going to pretend it isn't something we need to give some attention.  It has been going on for enough years that I know it's more than something for us to keep a cautious eye on.  I also understand that just because I may be the one it bothers, that doesn't make this just "my problem."  ME is supposed to help us keep from living our life as "married but separate."  We're supposed to find enough common ground to leave us room within our unity for our different interests.   But I'm growing concerned that our common interests aren't "daily" enough . . .

So what can we do about that?  Is daily dialogue going to give us a chance to explore my frustration and build more bridges in daily life?  If not, what's the point?

Mostly, I think it's important for you to know this: I'm feeling a little lonely.