Sometimes I struggle . . .

. . . but describing the struggle honestly is a challenge, and I suspect may be very important.

Sometimes I struggle to be the man I want to be.

Sometimes I struggle to be the man I should be.

Sometimes I struggle to be the husband my wife deserves.

Sometimes I struggle to be the man God calls me to be.

Sometimes I struggle to really want to be the man I should be, the husband my wife deserves, the man God calls me to be.

Sometimes I struggle to believe that I’ll really be happier being the man I should be, the husband my wife deserves, the man God calls me to be.

Sometimes I struggle to believe that the aggregate comfort/pleasure/excitement/experiences I’m afraid to miss out on in the world is really less than the joy I can only know in the Lord. (Is that, at its core, an issue of whether I really do believe in Christ? Yes, I've structured my life around Him - daily prayer & scripture reflection, faith groups, music & outreach ministry, commitment to family. I even know I have no other hope. Still, how fully do I believe in my Savior?)

Perhaps the real problem is that sometimes I’d rather not bother to struggle at all.

I know this: honestly considering the issue is better than ignoring it.

"Lord, I do believe. Help my unbelief!" (Mk 9, 24)