Last week my wife and I received an e-mail that shared a reflection based on a long-ago visit with a long-married couple. The writer saw that the wife was highly attentive to her husband's every need, yet seemed joyless. She observed that this wife may have primarily served out of fear of her husband's anger, which generated resentment rather than fear.
She concluded that our actions are "as useless as dry sticks on a cold hearth" until they are set ablaze by the love of God's Sacred Heart. Of course (me, now) this only happens as we set our mind and heart upon this marvelous God whom we serve so unworthily, and allow our actions to be responses to His perfect love.
I've observed that there's a related danger in trying to avoid a sin or make some positive change in my life by my own efforts. During that brief period of time when I am able to "gut things out," since I'm so focused on myself, I of course become convinced that it is I who have accomplished this good thing, whatever it might be. This further distorts my relationship with God, fostering pride rather than humility. This pride then also interferes with my relationship with others (though that is secondary; we sometimes get caught agreeing with the world's attitude that faith is primarily a means to improve our relationship with others - i.e. social justice - when the truth is that our relationship with others is properly and inextricably tied up with our primary relationship with God).
But when I undertake the same effort with the understanding that I cannot hope to accomplish what I think God is calling me to do - or more fundamentally to be the person He is calling me to be - and instead just ask God to do in me what I have proven that I cannot, then I see "my" victories as they truly are: God's grace at work in my life. Simply resting in that grace fosters true, humble growth, and brings a deeper joy, peace, love - and even satisfaction - than any amount of "my own" temporary accomplishments have ever done.
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