I have become so self-absorbed

a couple events from the summer

Run to the Moon was amazing, even though I missed a friend a lot that day.
The trip to Maryland had several tremendous highlights, including Assateague, a wonderful sail, and a great wedding.
The Shawshank Hustle was a blast, and I'm so glad I went, even though my heart was heavy.

Our granddaughter is going through such a challenging time. But she's an amazing kid!

lost refuge

i used to come here to express my inmost thoughts and feelings

now i don't

run to the moon

tomorrow i will have to try to take comfort in who is with me, and desperately hope against the evidence thus far that that is enough to overcome the pain of who is not. 

i loved doing stuff with you. of course, by the time we did this run three years ago you were already over me. i wish you'd told me so. maybe i'd be past this heartache by now. 

i doubt it, though. you are still amazing.

i still wish you all the best, and pray for you regularly. i still refuse to clamor for a piece of you. i think that you think that was what i was doing, but i wasn't.

i may not know who i am anymore
or what i believe
but i know this: 
i am not a man who chooses to hurt his wife. 
there have been days
many days
when this one thought
has kept me alive

a potentially life-threatening habit

so i have this decades-old thought habit that, if i say what it is, will cause the reader to become alarmed and insist i should go (back) into therapy (again) to fix. since i'm not going to do that, let's agree that i'm just going to start trying to break it and you're going to pray for me.

For they could not love you, but still your love was true