Three big anniversaries this past week

Well, four, but there is coincidence among them.

Our second-youngest granddaughter's birthday was Saturday. She was born on our oldest nephew's birthday, though he never met her, having passed away a few years previously.

I will never forget Chuck. I first met him when he was a boy and I was dating his aunt, in high school. He was a fun kid to be around, and as he grew he developed a strong love for the theater. But what I remember best about him was how he greeted me the first time I saw him after my well-deserved exile from the family. I don't know how much he may have struggled with it beforehand, but when he saw me he walked right up to me and hugged me, without hesitation. I've been blessed with much forgiveness and reconciliation, and I've since received such instant acceptance from others when they learn of my past, but he was the first, and I hope I always feel appropriately grateful to him for it. We were really pleased when our granddaughter was born on his birthday. Chuck had already passed on by then.

That weekend was the most incredible experience of life and death. After we went to the hospital to meet our newest granddaughter on the day she was born, on Wednesday of Thanksgiving weekend, we immediately departed for Maryland, where my wife's mom was near death. We had Thanksgiving dinner with the family, and on Saturday of that weekend, surrounded by her family, mom went home. Yesterday was the eighth anniversary of her passing. Her feelings toward and treatment of me were different from her oldest grandson's, though I didn't learn the extent of the former for some time. I respect that she always treated me respectfully - even affectionately - despite her internal resentment. I have come to believe that it can be a genuinely loving sacrifice to respond to someone in ways that are inconsistent with our feelings toward them, and I appreciate that she made it. (Our oldest grandson missed her funeral because he had an emergency appendectomy in MD.)

The other anniversary, which we observe today, is the passing two years later of my wife's dad. He took some time to come around toward me, but genuinely forgave me, and in the end greatly helped me to understand what I could and could not do about other family members' feelings. He became an advocate for reconciliation in his family, and time has unfortunately undone some of his efforts, although not for my part. He was probably a much better father-in-law than he was a father, especially with regard to raising his oldest sons. I came to understand that he regretted what he didn't understand when they were young, but I believe he ended up having solid relationships with each of them. He was a great gift to me, and a better influence as a father figure than I otherwise ever had in my life.

Can't unsee that

This phrase has taken on connotations of applying mainly to images that we judge to be repulsive. But the ones that matter more to me are those that are alluring to excess. Their influence in the mind can linger long.

My darling,

I'm glad you've read this. I will restore my posts, and I will keep posting here. Keep reading.  You have discovered months or years of my frustrations in a single day.

Let us both rediscover our love over the rest of our lives.

Yes, I get frustrated with our relationship sometimes, and sometimes in ways that neither of us can change. But what I said is true: I still love you, and can't imagine life without you.

"Surely,"

he thought, foolishly, "after them cooking and me washing all the dishes, I won't have to ask her to put them away!"

An unexpected text/test

I didn't recognize the number, and was surprised by the name in it and the nature of the link that it contained.

I'm pleased with how I ultimately responded to this, telling my wife about it and sending a FB message to the woman assuming that one or the other of us has been hacked.

I'm pretty annoyed with myself for the thoughts that I entertained before doing so . . . and since.

Home again

It is good to be back here.

We had a really nice weekend. (Pretty sure I've said that already. Sorry, dear reader.)

I am so tired!

I overthink it

when someone changes their plans in order to be more distant from me, to either spend less time with me or share less of their thoughts and feelings. It really doesn't matter who; I always wonder what I've done wrong, or how I've been someone they'd rather keep more distance from. Of course, some people's distance hurts more than others, even though everyone has as much right to it.

Formerly, I'd always just attribute that to my past, or "console" myself with the knowledge that my past was reason enough even if they didn't know about it. Now I'm finally beyond that dynamic. I know that's a good thing, at the same time that I observe that it was easier that way.

Donne may have been right about no man being an island, but I imagine that a good many of us feel like one. I certainly often do, despite my friends' and loved ones' best efforts.