The Great Reversal

 "Yet it hardly seems possible that injustice could be set right by a still greater injustice, that wrong could be set right by a still greater wrong. That is what St. Paul seems to suggest, however, in the passage in which he speaks of God in Christ reconciling the world to himself:  "For our sake he made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that we might become the righteousness of God." The language is radical. It is not simply that he bore the consequences of sin, but that he was made to be sin. The great reversal reverses all of our preconceptions: God must become what we are in order that we might become what God is. To effectively take our part, he must take our place." - Fr. Richard John Neuhaus, Death on a Friday Afternoon

Fr. Neuhaus goes on in the next few pages to further probe this idea of how we struggle to accept this truth because it fundamentally offends our sense of justice. Everything in us screams that this cannot be right, despite our having everything to gain from it. 

So why do we resist it? Could it be because we are afraid to embrace its implications? Forgive us our sins, for we ourselves forgive everyone who sins against us. And lead us not into temptation" (Lk 11:4). If God has taken the judgment we deserve upon himself, the first part of this verse calls us to a response that portends potentially great consequences. As for the second part, we have long believed the lie that our desires are a good thing and our sin is no big deal. We're fond of our temptations, and embracing the great reversal means that we must recognize the truth so that we can receive the mercy we have been given.

There is no way to accept God's mercy without becoming vessels of it for others.

Giving myself timelessness

I do not ask you to forget the present and imagine that it is Holy Week. Rather, I invite you to be open to the thought that you are now calling the present is Holy Week, for all time was there, is there, at the cross. - Fr. Richard John Neuhaus, Death on a Friday Afternoon

I have previously blogged on this passage here, and given the subject matter I shouldn't be surprised that it still seems relevant as I start reading this book for the fifth or sixth time. I've reflected on it so often that I will probably often find, as I'm prompted to write again by this excellent read, that there are few passages I haven't already written about. Still, this is part of my enjoyment of this great book, and I am certain it will continue to be relevant to my faith journey. I will therefore share, probably with no audience, my thoughts as I progress through it again in the upcoming Lenten season. After all, I'm in a different place from where I've ever been before, so I can expect to have new insights. 

I have actually tried to pick this book up a couple times in more recent years, since my last total reading. But I've always concluded that I've waited too late into Lent or Holy Week to read the whole thing. I've therefore skipped over this beginning part, and as a result missed coming back to this central point that makes the entire rest of the book work for me, as I discussed in that previous post. Relationships deepen when the present obscures other urgencies. So this year I hope to give myself the gift of fully rediscovering this treasure as I take the time to reflect on Jesus' love as revealed in this defining purpose of His Incarnation. I hope to keep the demands of life from distracting me from reading and meditating until I find something I want to reflect on, perhaps for the second or third occasion. I hope to enter more deeply still the relationship to which my loving God always calls me, being drawn more fully into the unfathomable depths of boundless Love.

 her 33rd anniversary was yesterday

i spent most of the day lamenting that i was the only one who remembered

then i finally broke silence and posted about it on fb 

and found out one other person did too

that was welcome company

no mention, though, from the one who should have

instead we had a pretty huge argument before bed

im so tired

and alone 

some days a meme asks a harmless question

what did your parents make you eat 

that you still don't eat now? 

soap, my friend said

and I wondered what 

had issued forth

from his mouth 

to cause that lesson

Then I thought

my dad's penis

and it got dead silent inside

as i recalled the taste of urine

put it back in your mouth, he said

i don't want to, i protested

embarrassed, ashamed 

then don't ask your sister to do it

his daughter, he didn't say

but that's when i should've known i'm not his son

i hadn't known what blow me meant

and then i still didn't

some days crashing come the memories 

smashing me to pieces

trashing my happy facade

way worse was yet to come

after he ate the bullet

and the next one took me under his wing

some days I think it'd've been better

if my single mom 

hadn't been pro-life

Thoughts in the middle of the night on mom's birthday

Sometimes--often lately--I wonder how I can continue to believe what I have long professed. If the Church is really guided by a Holy Spirit that reveals and helps us discern the Way, the Truth, the Life, how can we be so divided in our judgment of the former President? It isn't just that the man has never made a declaration of faith in Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior, and is unable to quote a favorite passage of Scripture. That I know of, he has never claimed to be a Christian, so I would be a fool to criticize him for not being what he has never claimed. The terrible way that he treats and speaks of other people is all it takes to see that the inspired love of God for all His people is not in him. And yet so many allegedly Spirit-filled people have fallen all over themselves to undermine their witness of Jesus Christ to declare this man's greatness. 

I understand that the Spirit works through us collectively, and that our discernment is primarily about things of God, not of the world. And I also understand that the Spirit often works through those who are not open to him, as well. (See Pharaoh, Nebuchadnezzar, et al.)

Then a moment of realization in the middle of the night helps me to hope again.

I've found myself struggling with how to respond to someone who is indebted to us. We were promised partial repayment right away and payment in full last month. All we've heard is crickets. As a result, I've felt taken advantage of and neglected in our relationship. And in the middle of the night when I was struggling to sleep and thinking of this, I thought of my mom on her birthday and the debt she forgave me. I had to borrow money from her twice, a pretty sizable amount the second time. (About what we're owed.) And in a moment I was reminded of Matthew 18: 21-35, which I have frequently featured in my talk to lay the groundwork for the gift of forgiveness that God shares with us and helps us to share with others. I am not speaking of the forgiveness of our wrongdoing, but the gift of forgiving others that God wants to give us. He doesn't want us bound by unforgiveness.

And it occurred to me that here is living Scripture coming back to me in a parable that describes circumstances that directly apply to me, and I have a decision to make: I can be a good, forgiving, merciful person, or I can be an ungrateful, unforgiving wretch. And no matter how I dress up the latter in my rationale, I will be accountable for how I respond.

Lots has happened

 Family members with COVID, though my wife and i didn't get it.

My wife instead got bilateral pneumonia.

Need to work, and can't seem to make myself.

Still in relative isolation

 My, it has been a while since I've made time for this blog. It used to be such a vital form of expression.