Do you remember . . . ?

. . . how silly we used to be, back when we were dating, when ending our phone calls? 

we'd each wait for the other to hang up first. neither of us wanted to be the one who ended the call.

i've done that a few times recently. you always hang up, though. 

i know it's stupid for that to bother me. you don't know. i don't know how to tell you.

i'm so alone.

i don't think I can ever fix what's wrong. 

i love you.

Note to self: remember to bless others.

I got an almost apology . . .

. . . from my wife about making me a "sewing widower" while she's been working on stuff for the Christmas bazaar.

I guess she doesn't realize that it's really no different from being a television widower every. freaking. night.

goodbye.
the turtle returns to his shell now.

when you want . . .

 . . . to L😍VE something on a friend's timeline but you can't because the last time they communicated with you they basically suggested that you might be cyber stalking them, and you're worried that even still reading their stuff makes it true.

More Bob Bennett

I don't think I'm supposed to tell you
Just how much this means to me
And how I can't uncross the lines
Between this thing I do and the man I'm supposed to be
There's a question in the back of my mind
Who knows what is really true?
I sing these songs and you listen to me
But who's doing the favor for who?

Ref:
I am singing for my life
I am singing, singing
Singing for my life now

It seems almost all of my life
I've held onto the piece of wood
And sometimes I am tempted to think
It's the only time that I can do any good
Sometimes when I stand up to play
I am a lonely and desperate man
These songs are the only prayers I can pray
And I sing them just as hard as I can

Ref.

And in the middle of the congregation
Voices are raised and hearts are pure
I carry a deep, dark secret
Even now I am so unsure
Then I pray, "Oh Lord, come and tear me apart
May the words in my mouth fall to my heart
Remind me why I live and breathe
Is it not to know you?
Is it not to believe?"

I am singing for my life
I am singing, singing
Singing for my life now
Singing for my life
Now 

And sometimes i can't even sing

How it is for everyone

Nobody knows me but You. - Bob Bennett, My Secret Heart

Every time I start to lament, Lord, that there's no one in my life who wants to really know me, please remind me that this is how it's supposed to be.