Sleep, I have a question:

Why are you avoiding me?

when the memories

are so heavy that you want to curl into a ball and hide under the covers until they never happened, and the weather seconds the motion, only you have to function anyway, and when i say heavy i mean that their gravity sucks you into its relentless pull and you don't have enough booster rockets to reach escape velocity and you run out of fuel and your orbit decays and you are falling, accelerating downward and rushing to meet the surface and you can't wait to get there because at least then it will be over but you just keep falling . . .

Trying, . . .

. . . for once, to not be a hypocrite.
. . . to not indulge my fantasy in my thoughts. 
. . . to want this part of me to be transformed rather than conforming to this world, which says, "well, of course, you can't resist your nature, and you shouldn't try."

Today's words

Three consecutive new words of the day:

tucket /TUCK-ut / - a fanfare on a trumpet

A nice word to celebrate my mom: happy birthday, Spitfire! (It was nice to see her old nickname featured on a Super Bowl commercial, too.)

blench /BLENCH/ -  to draw back or turn aside from lack of courage : flinch

It is good to know that, while I am determinedly turning away from a course of action in my life that part of me very much wants to pursue, I am not blenching from it. (I think I may have heard of the other form of blench.)

spavined /SPAV-ind / -  1. affected with swelling 2. old and decrepit : over-the-hill

If the second shoe fits, I suppose I should wear it. I also wonder if it's okay to use to describe the condition of my ankles and feet at the end of a sedentary day?

Imagined conversation fragment

"That doesn't matter. Only my fidelity matters."

When you feel . . .

. . . that everyone who doesn't explicitly affirm you in some area of your life is your enemy, you should reexamine your assumptions . . .

Today's word

irrupt /ih-RUPT / - 1. to rush in forcibly or violently 2. (of a natural population) to undergo a sudden upsurge in numbers especially when natural ecological balances and checks are disturbed 3. to become active or violent especially suddenly : erupt

This is a new one for me. Don't imagine I'll ever use the third sense of it.