i may not know who i am anymore
or what i believe
but i know this: 
i am not a man who chooses to hurt his wife. 
there have been days
many days
when this one thought
has kept me alive

a potentially life-threatening habit

so i have this decades-old thought habit that, if i say what it is, will cause the reader to become alarmed and insist i should go (back) into therapy (again) to fix. since i'm not going to do that, let's agree that i'm just going to start trying to break it and you're going to pray for me.

For they could not love you, but still your love was true