the autumn after my 12th birthday, my dad (adoptive) was in a very serious car accident. he was on his way to pittsburgh on a business trip and his car veered off the road into a guardrail. the only reason he didn't go through it, they said, was because he was driving a rear-engine volkswagen beetle with more of the weight distributed to the rear of the car. they said that he had fallen asleep at the wheel, and my mom wondered whether there was alcohol involved, as he frequently drank and drove.
these things probably represent the most likely scenario. it got him sober for a little while, through either an ethical compromise by or the incompetence of our family physician. he told dad that alcohol use might interfere with the recovery of the damaged muscle nerve in his eye. i think he didn't drink for about three months, until the neurosurgeon who didn't know his history told him that was not going to affect his prognosis. anyway, his quality of life took a turn for the worse after the accident, as the loss of functionality of his eye affected his ability to do so many of the athletic activities he loved. this probably led, more than any other single event, to his decision the summer i turned 14 to end his life. but the booze and the son who disappointed him probably contributed, too.
but this morning i am wondering whether the accident was because he decided to turn the wheel.
Tuesday, February 19, 2019
Friday, February 08, 2019
Sunday, February 03, 2019
M-I-C
now it's time to say goodbyethis blog has become mostly a bitching space. that isn't good for me.
to all our company
truth is: life hurts, in old and new ways. but i don't need to remind myself of that. i'm not sure my outlet has been a good idea.
maybe i'm singing the wrong song here, though. in The Wall, Goodbye Cruel World is the song in which Pink closes himself off from the world. maybe that's a better choice as i deal with things.
how very much i love and miss you, dear reader(s).
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