officially giving up.
lights are on, but no one is home anymore.

Today's words

Wow. Over a month since one of these entries.

cuirass /kwi-ˈras , kyu̇-/ - 1. a piece of armor covering the body from neck to waist; also : the breastplate of such a piece  2. something (such as bony plates covering an animal) resembling a cuirass

oneiric /ō-ˈnī-rik/ - of or relating to dreams : dreamy

i should stop entertaining these thoughts so much

especially since i'm never going to act on them.

but it is so damned entertaining.

will replace this invisible print later with details of what i'm talking about, but not now. It will be very graphic, though, so you probably won't want to come back to read it. 

Can you not feel this?

How we're spiraling?
We're like this phone. Cracked but still functioning. Getting worse with every drop. 
And being increasingly careless. 
Both of us.

My identity and destiny:

These are both the target of and my best defense against every temptation.

i'm so sleepy. 

"partners" - what they call it when one person's efforts - all day, every day - make the other's life choices possible.

apparently

There is no greater love than this . . .

There is no greater love than this . . .
There is no greater love than this . . . 
There is no greater love than this . . .
There is no greater love than this . . . 
There is no greater love than this . . . 
There is no greater love than this . . . 
There is no greater love than this . . . 
There is no greater love than this . . . 
There is no greater love than this . . . 
There is no greater love than this . . . 
There is no greater love than this . . . 

Nobody else knows . . .

. . . what today is . . . 

and i can't tell the people who could best relate because it would remind them of their own pain.

Waiting . . .

Finished my "just checking" tests this morning for increased risks associated with PKD. The first one, the intracranial aneurysm check, provided a temporary . . . I don't know, "scare" is too strong a word . . . concern? . . . in the MRA that the angiogram revealed wasn't one an aneurysm after all. We'll see what today's echocardiogram and liver ultrasound turn up. Hopefully nothing. Should have results in a couple days.

Put in my place

"I enjoy hearing from you during the day."

"Well I don’t have anyone else to confide in at work. Not used to no work buddies."

Ok. 

Gee, thanks.