21st Century Gritswin

Skating

2012-01-29T18:50:00.000-05:00

So skating was evidently not such a good idea. Hannah seemed enthusiastic enough at first, and Nic came along after adjusting to the noise and lights. But eventually Hannah wanted just to dance - which was fine - but balked at the idea of untying her own skate laces - which we'd just tied a moment before when she said she wanted to skate. A little while later, after Nic and grandpa had another go around the rink, he replied that he wasn't having a good time, and since his sister wasn't recovering from her pique, it was clear that everyone was done. Oh well.

More of the visit

2012-01-29T11:56:00.003-05:00

I slept fairly well last night on the inflatable. Was awake at 4 a.m., though that was only a few hours after I went to bed. Fell asleep in front of the television for a little while before that, but not very long or deeply. The sun rises early here, so it's hard to sleep in. I'm hoping for the nap today that I didn't get yesterday. At least I got in a short bike ride for about a half hour. Maybe there will be another today, though it sounds as if skating may be on the agenda.

2012-01-28T09:34:00.001-05:00

Well, I finally got a halfway decent night's sleep. I had to sleep on the sofa to do it, though. Funny, too, how our standards change. Two weeks ago I don't think I'd have described any night that way if I was awake three times during the night. I'm still feeling wiped, so hopefully there will be a ride and a nap this afternoon.

I should make a cheesecake today for my son-in-law's 29th (yeah, right) birthday.

The joy of grandchildren

2012-01-26T22:01:00.002-05:00

There's no joy quite like that from the squeal of delight from a grandchild who isn't aware you're coming from out of town until she sees you getting off the school bus.

A blogging fool

2012-01-25T07:12:00.002-05:00

Wow. If I don't write a word here while I'm gone, I'll still be over a post-per-day pace for the year. I don't think that has ever been the case before, and certainly never this late in the year. I guess I've had a lot on my mind, even if they've been smaller things.

And yes, I realize that removing the penultimate word from this post's title is probably still accurate.

Today's word

2012-01-25T07:08:00.001-05:00

intercalate - to insert between existing layers

The first part of the word is obvious. I didn't recognize the second, though. But when you learn that it originally applied to the insertion of January and February into the calendar, it makes a lot more sense!

A dim candle

2012-01-25T07:02:00.001-05:00

Today we begin a long journey together. I hope we also resume a more intimate one. We're going to have to talk about what is driving the distance between us. I'm afraid you won't agree that it's something that we need to finally do something about. So far, you've been great to support the changes that I've needed to make individually for the sake of our marriage, but don't seem so eager to make changes in this area. It seems as if you don't think it's important, or maybe that you believe it's my problem. Yet some of the things that we've done in the past together give me a glimmer of hope that we can continue to grow going forward.

We must. Any organism that doesn't grow, eventually dies.

2012-01-24T06:52:00.001-05:00

i must find a better solution.

From Atheism to Catholicism

2012-01-24T06:51:00.000-05:00

This book by Kevin Vost is about the influences that led the author from his Catholic roots to atheism, then those that led him back to a deeper faith than he left. Nietzsche, Russell, Rand, and Dawkins were chief among the former. I'm just getting to the latter.

Two thoughts from Seneca

2012-01-23T22:53:00.000-05:00

I'm reading a book - one positive side effect of my life, at present, since I haven't taken time for reading in so long. The author is sharing on a variety of philosophical influences on his life, and has come to this first century Stoic. Two quotes have struck me right where I am:

"There is no enjoying the possession of anything unless one has someone to share it with."

This applies beyond the material.

"There is nothing the busy man is less busied with than living."

This second is related to the thoughts of his predecessor Socrates, hero to the Stoics, who said, "The unexamined life is not worth living." Busyness spares us the burden of examination, I guess, and interferes with truly living.

Decision point?

2012-01-23T12:06:00.000-05:00

I think I'm deciding that, as long as it isn't one of those programs that chases me from the room with a theme by which I have chosen not to be entertained - that is, if the selected programming offends merely my sensibility and not my soul - I'm going to have to sit downstairs with my computer or book just for the sake of spending time together.

Dynamics

2012-01-22T07:52:00.002-05:00

I realize that when you were growing up, every time your mother raised her voice you were probably in trouble. I further understand that every time either of your parents raised their voice, one of you kids was probably in trouble.

But I am not going to be able to go the rest of my life without ever raising my voice in front of you. And when I do, it doesn't mean that I'm upset with you.

Benign?

2012-01-21T16:44:00.000-05:00

The harm of some addictions may not be as severe or as obvious as others, but they can be more insidious for it.

Today's words

2012-01-21T12:53:00.000-05:00

weltschmerz - 1. mental depression or apathy caused by comparison of the actual state of the world with an ideal state. 2. a mood of sentimental sadness

weltanschauung - a comprehensive conception or apprehension of the world especially from a specific standpoint

Gifts

2012-01-20T07:33:00.003-05:00

It pleases me that two of the things I seem to do best are to love and to lead praise and worship. I know that neither of these things are of me. Thank you, God.

A glimmer

2012-01-19T07:03:00.000-05:00

I have what I think is a really great idea.

Now I just need to sell it to the appropriate audience.

And pray.

Not necessarily in that order.

An old poem

2012-01-18T22:01:00.001-05:00

Eulogy

I sat beside the fragile frame that bore me into life
and asked the One who formed us both, who'd made her Mom, and wife,
And sister, aunt, and cousin, and to many, faithful friend,
to somehow grant her healing, and not let her life end.

My hurting heart He comforted with thoughts that I've long known:
the body's but a sacred shack for those He's made his own,
that He loves her far more than I and, though her work is done,
that He will never separate those souls who trust His Son.

I asked the Lord that He would please not leave me here without
this one who, from the outset, helped me through my times of doubt.
And He reminded me of you He's blessed me with today.
He said, "Your life is filled with love I'll always send your way."

I sat beside this empty shell, the pain gone from her face.
At last her features were restored with peaceful, loving grace.
Her life had been a gift to me, now death a blessing, too.
And in that silent, peace-filled room remained one thing to do.

I whispered, "Mom . . . I love you."

And heard back, "I love you, too."

A conflict

2012-01-18T15:46:00.000-05:00

I know that you don't want to, that you don't think we should, as if there were any reason why we shouldn't.

I always, without fail, try to accommodate the things you think are important. I think this is important, and I feel that you have dismissed my wishes without due consideration. I am angry about that, but being angry won't accomplish anything except to drive us apart. I'd rather instead just urge you to reexamine your reasons for disagreeing, and speak to me out of something more than insecurity, whatever its basis may be.

words of a prophet

2012-01-18T12:02:00.000-05:00

Won't you come, kneel before me and worship? Oh, at least, come sit for a while, prop up your feet, and be captivated by all I have to offer you. I will tell you how you are to be, who you are to be, who you are glad you cannot be, who you cannot hope to be. Come, be enraptured, forget all your cares. I have more to offer you than you can ever take in. Just open yourself up to me and soak in my presence.

Isn't this what the television calls out to us? Oh, don't get me wrong: in moderation, and with the correct viewing and mental filters in place, it can be a good thing . . .

Today's words

2012-01-17T07:48:00.000-05:00

quokka - a stocky herbivorous marsupial (Setonix brachyurus of the family Macropodidae) of southwestern Australia that has a short tail

Gilbert's potoroo - a critically-endangered Australian marsupial (Potorous gilbertii), sometimes called a rat-kangaroo, described as pointed in the face and about the size of a rabbit

Round numbers, of a sort

2012-01-17T07:41:00.000-05:00

Before I entered this one, I noticed my blog now contains 5⁴ posts, though not all are published.. . .

Today's word

2012-01-16T07:55:00.000-05:00

xylography - the art of making engravings on wood especially for printing

And if you know this word, you'll never again be confused by the difference between a xylophone and a glockenspiel.

Rough weekend

2012-01-16T07:15:00.000-05:00

I don't really know what to say about it.

Unsettled

2012-01-15T08:42:00.000-05:00

You'd think that a day like yesterday, so focused on the Lord, would leave me feeling spiritually refreshed. It doesn't quite feel that way . . .

Today's words

2012-01-13T12:04:00.000-05:00

And it's about time. It's been over a week since my last new one!

thole - endure

I share this in honor of my dear friends celebrating their anniversary today as they thole their time of separation.

I did learn something else, word-wise, in the intervening time. The defer meaning "delay" and that meaning "submit to another's wishes or opinion" are actually different words with different Latin antecedents.

Enough negativity

2012-01-12T12:35:00.000-05:00

Yes, we're going to miss seeing and hugging our daughter, son-in-law, and especially grandbabies so often. We had 5 visits with them last year, and that won't be happening for the next couple years. But when we do, it will be in Hawaii!!

You're pulling my leg, right?

2012-01-12T12:30:00.000-05:00

I really hope so.

But no, the primary reason that the flowers are dropping vast quantities of tiny petals all over the coffee table is not that I disturbed them with other stuff. It's that they're over two weeks old, and it's time to pitch them. I'd have done it, but they're not mine.

Bad approach to life

2012-01-12T07:27:00.001-05:00

I started my day by griping before praising and thanking God for my blessings. This is not a good idea.

Exotic exile

2012-01-12T07:25:00.001-05:00

The land of leis and luaus, of grass skirts and Kamehameha, conjures all sorts of fantasies of beaches and sunshine and happiness. It's where young military couples get excited to be going, but discover soon after settling in that a 600 square mile island doesn't leave much room for escaping a native population that resents you for being there, especially if you have the nerve to take any of "their" jobs; that it costs way more to live there; that an island sounds like an exotic place to live until you realize that you have to get on a plane to go anywhere else; that it's really hard to go visit with your family.

Our son-in-law will soon be stationed there. If he and our daughter are able to connect with their fellow army families as well as they have at Ft. Polk, the first of the aforementioned concerns may not be much of an issue for them, as they have very little interaction with the local populace (such as it is) around Leesville. The second one is probably their biggest worry, and the last one is ours. I'm glad for their sake that they'll at least be stationed with Nic's brother, and am more than a little jealous that Nic's mom will soon have all of her grandchildren near her.

I'm glad they're excited to be going, and hope their experience there is way better than the other people I know who've been stationed on Oahu. But visits with our beloved daughter and grandchildren are going to be rarer, more difficult, less spontaneous, and way more expensive. Schofield Barracks is over 4400 miles from here. At a first glance, we can fly for the bargain basement price of around $700 each, coach class, with two stops. Single stop flights seem to be about $300 more.

If I don't get to see my grandchildren via Skype soon, the expense may be a one-time issue, as I'm likely to kill my daughter when I do see her.

In retrospect

2012-01-10T18:04:00.000-05:00

Now that the Christmas season is over, it's probably worth taking a few minutes to reflect on my experience of it this year. Since Advent and Christmas form one volume of the breviary, and they're so closely linked for me, it's probably good to consider them together.

Spiritually, I was really concerned with how the my Advent season began. I still don't understand why we didn't get the wreath out, which is usually such a useful tool for calling me to prayer early in the morning. I love praying the Office of Readings by the candlelight. Instead, two weeks of the season went by before I realized I was passing up an important part of my preparations. But an interesting thing happened in response to that realization, as I finished the Advent season very strongly but didn't have any sense that I'd "done my job" in getting ready for Christmas. As a result, I found I had momentum carrying me forward, causing me to reflect more on the mystery and wonder of the Christmas season than I ever have before. It has made for some neat insights and continued growth. All that said, I can't help but think it would be more ideal and lend more consistency to my walk were I to carve out that time with the One who loves me most at the outset of every day.

I need to carry these times of reflection into the weeks of Ordinary Time, so I don't enter Lent feeling as if I'm starting from scratch, as I so often do.

Emotionally, there were some challenges this year. Being apart from our baby girl and grandbabies for Christmas for the first time was tough, and I'm pretty confident that it wasn't just we grandparents who found it so. I've also needed to remind myself of the nature of marriage: what it should and shouldn't be, what needs it should always meet and which ones it never can - indeed what really are needs and what are mere wishes.

And musically, it was probably good for me to consider what my role is in our parish worship life.

More on breathing (updated)

2012-01-09T20:24:00.000-05:00

Following on from my earlier post:

I love my wife deeply, but with apologies to The Hollies, she cannot be the air that I breathe. I love our daughters, and our grandchildren light up our lives; I love my dear friends with whom I walk through life, but they cannot be the air that I breathe. I could lose all of them; their presence is a blessed circumstance in my life that I cannot fully control. I wouldn't willingly give up any of them, but I mustn't turn them into idols.

Likewise, my job is important for providing for my family, my exercise program takes care of my body, my hobbies keep my mind and body engaged. Yet all of these gifts cannot replace the Giver of them all, who alone can be the air I breathe, and who gives me every other means by which I breathe in his presence.

And there isn't a person in my life for whose sake I would not give up my place in their lives, if it would help them breathe to him in.

And to return to the Hollies, and give them their due: the song doesn't say that she is "the air that I breathe." It says, rather, "All I need is the air that I breathe and to love you." Since they're obviously singing to a woman, as long as I'm referring to the presence of Christ as the air I breathe, I suppose I wouldn't have a problem with singing this.

How to not suffocate

2012-01-09T19:22:00.003-05:00

"This is the air I breathe: Your very presence living in me" - Michael W. Smith

If I forget to breathe in the presence of Christ every day, it doesn't take very long for me to suffocate. I can begin to look for other air to sustain me, and even to disdain the refreshing breath of God's presence.

Oh, how I long to express more fully the insight that struck me as I heard this song on the way home tonight! What it comes down to is that, no matter how I'm feeling, I must seek the presence of God each day, and breathe him in!

Oops. It's over!

2012-01-09T12:06:00.003-05:00

A couple days ago I wrongly reflected that "I'm not sure that I ever realized that Christmas falling on a Sunday gives us the longest possible Christmas season in addition to the longest possible Advent season. Every calendar besides this one trades one against the other."

I forgot that the Baptism of the Lord is not observed on a Sunday in such a year. Rather, we observe this feast
that closes the Christmas season today!

Until a few years ago, I confused this feast with the Presentation in the Temple. I think this was because of our practice of infant baptism. It just took me some time to grow accustomed to thinking instead of the baptism of Jesus as an adult by John at the Jordan. So at first glance, this feast doesn't even appear to be related to the Christmas season at all, which seems to be all about Jesus' incarnation and nativity. Even Epiphany is about an event in the infancy of Jesus.

Yet if we look beyond the surface, we see that today's feast is indeed all about the Christmas season, and is closely tied to yesterday's Epiphany celebration. As important as is Jesus' incarnation, it would be useless to most of us were Jesus not the savior of the whole world (as Epiphany celebrates) as well as the long awaited Messiah of Israel. And in his baptism at the Jordan, Jesus is further revealed as God's beloved Son. So Christmas is all about increasing degrees of revelations of Jesus: as an infant, as Savior of his people and of the world, and as the Only-Begotten Son of God, born of the Father before all ages, who by the Holy Spirit was incarnate of the virgin Mary.

And again we see how the salvation Jesus brings is not an isolated event, but the woven totality of his entire life!

Of magi and kings

2012-01-09T07:35:00.000-05:00

We hear the reading each year, and focus most often on the obvious contrast between the reaction of the wise men from the east and that of Herod the king. First, a few things about this story of which scripturally-cognizant Catholics are aware, which our Protestant brethren often think we don't know.

There is no indication that the wise men were themselves kings; some have concluded as much based on the precious nature of the gifts they present when they find Jesus.
There is no indication of how many there were; we associate "three kings" due to the three gifts and a popular Christmas carol, but the number is not specified and this is mere conjecture.
There is no evidence that the magi visited Jesus at the manger. The account says that when they found him they entered "the house." It doesn't even state implicitly that they found Jesus in Bethlehem where he was born, though they were clearly directed to go there, and in the absence of any statement to the contrary we can probably safely assume that they found him there. The placing of the magi's visit at the manger is probably due to an amalgamation of St. Matthew's account of the former with St. Luke's of the latter.

That said, there were a couple elements of this story that struck me for the first time. First of all, I'm not so sure how different the initial basic motivations of the magi and Herod were. Though they obviously led them to very diverse responses, could it be that this was primarily because of their respective interests? For a tiny nation, Israel was strategically located with regard to routes between Europe, Asia, and Africa. If a new king was born, there could be good political reason to visit him and court favor with his family. It was reasonable for them to presume that the father would be the current monarch, so that was the first stop on their journey. Yet they were not so familiar with Jewish history as to realize that there hadn't been a true king in Israel for centuries. Still, when it became clear to them that the newborn king for whom they sought was not of Herod's house, they didn't settle for the politically expedient action, but continued on toward their original goal. Herod encouraged them in this, revealing how even evil intentions can work to serve the purposes of God.

Herod's treacherous response, of course, is clearly rooted in politics and fear. The beginning of the monarchy in Israel was marked by the relationship between Saul and David, and that didn't turn out so well for the man who was first king. When the account tells us that Herod was troubled, and all of Jerusalem with him, the latter is no surprise. Even under occupation, Herod wielded plenty of local power, and his subsequent murder of the Holy Innocents indicates how ruthlessly he guarded it.

None of which is especially pertinent to us. What strikes me as more relevant is the issue of how we respond to Christ's presence. Like the magi, part of us wants to pay homage to the rightful king of our lives. Yet, like Herod, part of us is dreadfully afraid of what his kingship might mean for us. Will we lose power to rule over our own lives as we desire? Will we have to give up the life we have come to know and love? Might we be undone, bereft of home and family and our personal kingdom by what this rightful King asks of us? We have the benefit and the curse of his life, by which he showed us the cost of his kingship. We know it is loving, but a love that we may not fully embrace without fully yielding to it.

So will we respond with self-interested expediency driven by our fear, or with dogged determination rooted in hope and selfless giving?

The benefit of doubt

2012-01-07T22:34:00.000-05:00

If what I believe about God's mercy is true, I'm convinced that being less than positive about our eternal destiny is a gift to us, if for no other reason than that it helps keep the balance between self-preservation and despair tilted in the healthy direction.

Changed perspective?

2012-01-07T19:25:00.001-05:00

When I was a sophomore in high school, I hung around a bit with a senior who worked at a Baltimore college's radio station. He did a polka show on Saturdays, and a few times I went to the studio with him, running errands, gathering news or weather from the wire, sometimes reading it or some PSAs on the air. He had a pretty bleak outlook on life, and had two favorite sayings to express it:

"Life is a shit sandwich, and every day you take another bite."
"Life is an abject mediocrity."

I never agreed with his point of view.

I hope your perspective is different now, Neal.

Holy Christmas season!

2012-01-07T08:57:00.000-05:00

"Beloved, our Lord Jesus Christ, the eternal creator of all things, today became our Savior by being born of a mother. Of his own will he was born for us today, in time, so that he could lead us to his Father's eternity. God became man so that man might become God. The Lord of the angels became man today so that man could eat the bread of angels." - from a sermon by St. Augustine

I love how our celebration of the Christmas season allows us time to examine the mysteries of Christ's incarnation over the space of a few weeks. Those who don't celebrate a formal season of Advent often use the couple of weeks before Christmas to a similar purpose, but I truly appreciate the way that the anticipatory nature of our reflections during that period, focusing on themes of prophecy, waiting, longing and need, prepare us to celebrate more fully this season of joy and fulfillment, wonder and awe. Advent becomes an annual John the Baptist in our lives, preparing our hearts for the coming of the Lord.

Thus the Christmas season becomes full of more than historical images of mangers and shepherds, angelic heralds and wise men from afar. Those ancient images hold great meaning for us; they're important for us to revisit each year, but they're not the end. The beginning and the end are found more fully in John's account, which our parish has quit using over the last several years, to my frustration.

"In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." - Jn 1, 1

The light had come into the world, yet the world did not recognize it, a statement that remains true today. Yet these weeks are filled with reasons why we should recognize it, or perhaps with the results of recognizing it. And so we finally arrive back at St. Augustine.

I love how he uses irony and contrast to cast light on the wonder of Christ's coming to us. St. Paul did this, too, in elucidating how Jesus fulfills the age old longing of the Jewish people and extension of his salvific kingship to all peoples. And I love how the weeks of Christmas allow us to reflect on the implications of the Incarnation.

Too often we treat the holy days as if they are isolated. I think this is because of our experience of the world in time, one event after another, which often appear isolated from each other. But the best reflections on Christmas make the clear link between Jesus' birth and his mission, and treat his Nativity along with the rest of his earthly life, his death and resurrection, in the context of the difference they make for us. Too many of us are trying to be god in the wrong way, defining for ourselves good and evil (the original sin), seizing control of our lives in any way possible, interpreting the circumstances around us in whatever light best allows us to make the choices we think will have the best outcome for us. After all, if we are god in the same way as Jesus, it is up to us to make of ourselves what we may.

Indeed, I have a good friend who tends to view the nativity as a historical event that has had great impact on the world solely because of how Jesus lived and died, and what his disciples believed about him. He considers that Jesus was no more God than you or I, but recognizes that those who have believed otherwise have had a profound, mostly positive and lasting impact on human affairs.

But St. John and St. Augustine propose that Jesus Christ is God in a far different way, by his very nature before he was ever conceived in the womb for us. Indeed, they posit that, unlike every other person ever born, Jesus' birth was the result of a decision for the timeless creator to step into time in a unique way, so that he might deliver us into his love for eternity. The role of the ancient prophecies is not then to create a set of circumstances which Jesus must fulfill, but to allow us to recognize him because he fulfills them. Is it that sacrifice is necessary to appease an angry God, or that God who has seen all time knew that we would kill
the savior, and prepared us to recognize him by presenting centuries of law and prophecy that his life and death would fulfill alone out of the billions before or since?

Whatever is built upon fallacy eventually falls apart. Even the Jewish leaders who The Acts of the Apostles tells us whipped the disciples for preaching Jesus as risen from the dead said that if it was built on falsehood, this new movement would collapse. Christianity is built on the Godhead of Jesus, and has not only stood for two thousand years, but has transformed the world around it in the process. Yet this is temporal. Its true magnificence and miracle is how Jesus of Nazareth draws us into the eternal life for which we are created. The bread of heaven was conceived a zygote in the womb, and born in a manger for us, so that as we partake of him we are transformed by and into what we ingest.

Leftoverture

2012-01-06T18:56:00.000-05:00

I'm thinking that the best way for me to make someone feel appreciated for doing a big chore would not be to walk in the front door, say "oh wow, good job, thanks," then leave another time-sensitive chore for them to take care of while I go watch television.

I was pretty miffed by this turn of events last night, and had a bit of the anger left over this morning. Still, at no point did I really express my anger to her; it seemed to me as if I should sit on it a bit and wait for some perspective. In retrospect, I'm glad I did, though I do think we're going to need to talk about this incident at some point now that the energy has dissipated from it. Otherwise it might come back in unfair ways.

Meanwhile, we get the benefit of reconciling without having really had a fight . . .

Rushing Epiphany, in a way

2012-01-05T21:47:00.002-05:00

I would've liked to have left our tree up for another day, through traditional Epiphany. But it was dropping needles like mad, and I would've had to water it again without knowing how much more it was going to drink up, leaving me with a potential wet mess to deal with in addition to the needles and sap.

So the tree is down, the needles are swept up, the ornaments are wrapped and boxed, the lights are wrapped (though not reboxed, as I haven't decided whether I'm going to keep these or just go with the LEDs for next year; I think I'll save them just in case), and the area rug is relaid.

We'll keep the remaining decorations out through the weekend, and probably leave the nativity set out through the following weekend, until we close the Christmas season with the Baptism of the Lord.

I'm not sure that I ever realized that Christmas falling on a Sunday gives us the longest possible Christmas season in addition to the longest possible Advent season. Every calendar besides this one trades one against the other.

A carefully embedded gem?

2012-01-05T07:40:00.000-05:00

I'm trying to mine a meaningful nugget from St. Augustine's reflections in today's Office of Readings. It isn't that there isn't anything there, or that I can't get to it, but seems more the case that so much of it is so closely interrelated that any piece seems to lose its power when removed from what surrounds it. I thought that I could grab an idea from the end that really resonated with me, but soon realized that its impact had only happened because it had been worked up to. The beginning material hadn't seemed to do anything for me, but when I returned to it I saw how it had laid a foundation for what came throughout.

So read it for yourself, and see if it has any value for you!

But I find very powerful this idea of God giving us something we can handle to embrace in preparation for what we're not quite ready for as of yet.

Today's words

2012-01-04T12:01:00.001-05:00

Courtesy of a bizarre words link at Merriam-Webster's site:

whiffle - to flourish a sword in sword dancing so as to produce a whistling sound
spanghew - to throw violently into the air; especially, to throw (a frog) into the air from the end of a stick
poltophagy - thorough chewing of food until it becomes like porridge
lipogram - a writing composed of words not having a certain letter
gyascutus - an imaginary large four-legged beast with legs on one side longer than on the other for walking on hillsides
hapax legomenon - a word or form occurring only once in a document or collection of writings
mytacism - excessive or wrong use of the sound of the letter m
axinomancy - divination by means of the movements of an ax placed on a post

Interesting insight into the criminal justice system

2012-01-03T17:03:00.000-05:00

The following is not legal advice, but one citizen's best recollections of material presented to potential grand jurors.

Today I got to spend the day in the company of a team of Montgomery County prosecutors, learning how to serve on a grand jury. I am not actually on the grand jury, but may be called as an alternate during the four month assignment. Here are a few things I've learned so far:

Grand jurors are sworn to secrecy for life. Unlike trial (petit) jurors, who may speak out afterward but should limit themselves to things they'd be willing to swear to in court, grand jurors may never reveal what occurs while the grand jury is in session, including cases, evidence, deliberation, voting results.
In the state of Ohio, there is no such thing as a misdemeanor quantity of cocaine, heroin, or LSD. If you knowingly possess, obtain, or use any quantity of these substances, it is a felony. Of course, there are different degrees of felony based on the quantity possessed, obtained, or used.
You always hear the police and law programs talk about means, motive, and opportunity. None of these are elements that need to be proven for an indictment or conviction in the state of Ohio. Rather, the following elements need to be present:
- ID. There are many ways of identifying the perpetrator of a crime. And while crime dramas seem to focus primarily on proving whodunit, this isn't the most troublesome element for prosecutors to prove.
- Venue. The crime must have occurred in the county in which it is being prosecuted. One exception is that a homicide for which the victim's body is found in a county is treated as if that county was the venue for the crime.
- Date. This doesn't have to be the specific calendar date, as for some types of crimes that is problematic to narrow down. Nonetheless, it can become particularly important for the proper application of statutes that have changed either before or after the crime is alleged to have occurred, as well as to provide the defense the opportunity to refute the charges. One time acts that happen at a specific, known time and place are not as problematic for this as things like patterns of child abuse and ongoing corporate crime. And, of course, there are statute of limitations implications, as well.
- Statute. Basically, if an item isn't on the law books in Ohio, it isn't a crime, no matter how heinous it might be. And there may be different statutory degrees applied to the same basic offense, depending on the circumstances of that particular crime and how if fits into the defined statutes that may have been violated.
- Intent, or mental state. This is the most ignored element in law-based entertainment, and the one law enforcement and prosecutors probably have to spend the most effort on. There are four levels of intent, and though some crimes are independent of the level of intent, others hinge directly on it. A crime can be committed:
  - Purposely
  - Knowingly
  - Recklessly
  - Negligently
  The severity of the crime with which a suspect can be charged and for which he or she may be convicted often depends on their level of intent. There can be other circumstances in which intent becomes less of a factor; for instance, abuse of a child doesn't require proof of intent, and the killing of someone in conjunction with another higher-order felony negates the need to prove intent to murder (except for a capital conviction).
While motive is not an element that must be proven, it is possible for motive to play a role in determining intent.

I wish I were available to serve on the grand jury, and half hope that I get called in as a sub for a while.

Garbage not out . . .

2012-01-02T22:04:00.000-05:00

Okay. I understand that I need to respond when told that the trash can is full. I completely get that. And I realize that taking the trash out is my job, which is really how I want it.

But if I don't get to it, it's kind of important that no one takes the bag out of the trash can and leave it sitting either on the floor or the back porch. In either of those locations, the dog is certain to get into it at the first moment when it is unattended. We have lived through this often enough that we should have learned from experience by now.

Tonight I was unaware that the bag was taken out of the can, and we left for our dinner engagement in a rush. We came home to quite the mess.

Today's words

2012-01-02T08:51:00.001-05:00

rapporteur - a person who gives reports (as at a meeting of a learned society)
arborescent - resembling a tree in properties, growth, structure, or appearance

Both fairly obvious, especially the second, but both also new to me.

A good friend

2011-12-29T23:00:00.000-05:00

My wife's closest friend called her today, and told her that she missed hearing her voice, as they hadn't spoken in two days.

I could relate. It's hard being separated from such a good friend, even when you're glad for their sake that they're away for a while . . .

Sibling love

2011-12-29T22:57:00.001-05:00

A young friend posted a funny interchange between himself and his sister, the gist of which consisted of:

"I love you," she concluded.

"No, you don't," he replied after thinking he'd hung up the phone.

"Yes, I do, Buttwipe!"

Another reminder of how much I miss my sister. We got on each other's nerves so much as kids, and were only beginning to learn to appreciate each other when she died, too young.

Today's word

2011-12-29T08:56:00.000-05:00

Actually from earlier in the week, but I'm just now catching up:

duckboard - a boardwalk or slatted flooring laid on a wet, muddy, or cold surface -- usually used in plural

Burlesque

2011-12-29T08:51:00.001-05:00

It's odd how the echoes of my coming-of-age bounce around at unexpected times.

Last night, the young lady I accompanied on guitar over the summer was opening for a burlesque show at a local comedy club. Our - well, my - plan was to go hear her sing and then leave. But everyone in the group was sticking around, and it ended up being a good thing that we did, as the musicians ended up closing the show, as well.

After their first set, they were immediately followed by a couple of comedians. The first apparently wasn't able to evoke a laugh from anything except crude humor, and when that didn't work he really didn't have a backup plan. The second, who was really the first because he was the host of the program, did a much better job with his much funnier material. Then came the burlesque girls.

Now, first of all, I was in a really tough position to watch any of the show, as the stage was at about 8 o'clock relative to how I was facing, and there was room neither to turn my chair nor to put my legs if I could have. Secondly, the "girls" - these women couldn't have been younger than 40 - did the first part of their dance routine in the aisle that was directly behind me and one table over. Still, they finished on the stage, and I was able to turn my head to take in the end of their quite amateur performance, as the more daring of the two struggled with her brassiere, with her back to us, of course, so we could see her fumbling with the rear-facing hooks - so that she could reveal her pasty-clad breasts at the end of their number.

Still, despite this, I found there was more than my spiritual sensibilities at play in my emotional response. No, I wasn't at all aroused by the performance, just very uncomfortable. It took me a while in the evening to realize that, even though the mood, the atmosphere, and the context were very different, this whole striptease evoked the uncomfortable lunches and evenings out with my stepfather, into the strip joints and porn shops of the Baltimore area.

Sigh.

So it seems I can't even process the issue of whether there was anything wrong with me being there last night strictly on its own merits. There are times when I wish that the Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind was real . . .

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

2011-12-28T08:23:00.000-05:00

Could the reason that we're told to rejoice always, pray constantly, and give thanks in all circumstances have anything to do with that being the only way I feel hopeful?

Not sure how I feel

2011-12-27T22:06:00.002-05:00

So a couple weeks before Christmas, my wife attempted to communicate with our daughters a query into whether it was their desire to exchange Christmas gifts with us. I learned of this by way of my middle daughter, who didn't show me the text but shared the giIst of it with me. As I have come to expect, it was communicated without any sense of how the words might appear to the recipient, and conveyed a very different message from what (I hope and trust) she intended.

Perhaps I should have done a better job of extending my damage control efforts to our other daughters, who did not raise the issue with me, but I wasn't really sure how to broach the subject with them. I suppose I could have explained to them how I became privy to message contents that were not addressed to me, and suggested that what was meant to be conveyed was likely something very different from the message they received. In the process, should I have also pointed out their mother's obvious inability to couch her communication in terms that do not give offense?

Having not figured out how to handle that, how do I now deal with the difficult combination of very hurt feelings and resentment I'm now experiencing?

I feel hopeless.

(So I guess maybe I am sure, after all, how I feel.)

Abjectly

2011-12-26T19:07:00.001-05:00

I really didn't think it was possible to feel like a more complete failure as a parent . . .

The Joy of Christmas

2011-12-26T19:05:00.003-05:00

"For what greater grace could God have made to dawn on us than to make his only Son become the son of man, so that a son of man might in his turn become son of God?
"Ask if this were merited; ask for its reason, for its justification, and see whether you will find any other answer but sheer grace." - from a sermon of St. Augustine

I wanted to record this thought from Christmas Eve here, too, along with this:

"Dearly beloved, today our Saviour is born; let us rejoice. Sadness should have no place on the birthday of life. The fear of death has been swallowed up; life brings us joy with the promise of eternal happiness.
"No one is shut out from this joy; all share the same reason for rejoicing. Our Lord, victor over sin and death, finding no man free from sin, came to free us all. Let the saint rejoice as he sees the palm of victory at hand. Let the sinner be glad as he receives the offer of forgiveness. Let the pagan take courage as he is summoned to life." - from a sermon of St. Leo the Great

I must remember to focus on these things when I am in the midst of things that crush my spirit.

Fr. Matthew Kelty

2011-12-22T12:55:00.000-05:00

I haven't had time to post while he's been on my mind, but I learned last week from a friend who just made a retreat to the Abbey of Gethsemani that one of my favorite priests has gone home. As long as he was able, Fr. Matthew Kelty brought his love for poetry to every evening's closing reflection, after Compline, with the retreatants. His gruff voice somehow made more tangible his gentle spirit, and he shared eloquently of a compassionate, loving God, whose mercy exceeds all bounds. As I shared with him my grappling over how to conform with my need to live honestly, he shared a tender insight with me in Reconciliation that forever changed how I view the balance of integrity and mercy in my life.

Rejoice in God for all eternity, Fr. Matthew, and pray for us.

Today's words

2011-12-22T08:20:00.000-05:00

Two words I've frequently used in one way or another without understanding their proper meaning:

echelon - 1. a steplike arrangement 2a. one of a series of levels or grades in an organization or field of activity b. the individuals at such a level

escalade - an act of scaling especially the walls of a fortification

Reassurance

2011-12-22T08:08:00.001-05:00

I will not put my hopes in my bow,
my sword will not bring me to safety;
for it was you who saved us from our afflictions - from Psalm 44.

I tend to attribute too much of my security and my success to factors which I'm able to convince myself are under my own control. There's a difference between using my gifts as I should and putting my faith in them. I need to remember that God will provide for what we need, even if my inventory of available resources looks to be coming up short.

Does a woman forget her baby at the breast,
or fail to cherish the son of her womb?
Yet even if these forget, I will never forget you.- Is 49, 15-16

These are reassuring words, in this day when we routinely forget the children of the womb, or at least try to. In times when I feel despondent, I must remember that God will not fail to provide for my needs.

Today's Office of Readings

2011-12-21T15:02:00.001-05:00

Today's entire second reading from St. Ambrose is worth reading, but for me it is important to recall that these reflections from the early church fathers aren't Scripture. So, for instant, Elizabeth cannot prophesy under the influence of her son in the way that Mary can under the influence of hers, yet the Holy Spirit who prompts John's leap then influences Elizabeth's words. I'm probably quibbling. More pertinent for me is this essential truth of Advent:

According to the flesh only one woman can be the mother of Christ but in the world of faith Christ is the fruit of all of us. For every soul can receive the Word of God if only it is pure and preserves itself in chastity and modesty.- from St. Ambrose's commentary on St. Luke's Gospel.

Of the three comings of Christ which we commemorate in Advent, this is the one that has the most bearing on our lives. Yes, the children of Israel waited centuries for the promised Messiah, and Jesus fulfills every prophecy. Yes, we believe that Christ will come again in glory to bring all his precious ones to the place he has prepared for us. Yet it is Christ's coming to us, by the Holy Spirit, where we are today, that determines whether those other advents are of any consequence to us whatever. Only to the degree we have received in faith the child who became incarnate to deliver us all does any other coming of Christ matter to us.

How can we expect Christmas to be filled with the light and joy of Christ's presence if we do not enter into that presence each day? Thus does St. Ambrose go on:

The soul that has been able to reach this state proclaims the greatness of the Lord just as Mary did and rejoices in God its saviour just like her.- ibid.

And yet, those of us who are not quite there yet will yet proclaim God's greatness to the degree we allow his presence to permeate our lives.

Returning to the scene

2011-12-21T14:41:00.000-05:00

I had to go somewhere today I hadn't been in over 15 years. It was not such a pleasant experience, back then, though it could have been far worse. The thing is, I wasn't at all haunted by the past while I was there. It felt kind of, well, normal, to be there.

I really thought that episode would define me - to myself - for the rest of my life. This is the second set of events over the past couple months that has shown me that it apparently doesn't anymore. I have a lot of people to thank for helping that come to be, but I think the first person is probably the second person (after God) is the one I see in the mirror every morning.

Heavy heart

2011-12-20T13:37:00.001-05:00

I haven't had much chance to get to know many cats. Mom hated them, thought they were all sneaky. We briefly had a kitten anyway, when I was a kid, until my sister spoiled it by picking it up every time she walked past for the first couple weeks. Then she walked by without picking it up one day, and it scratched her, right under the eye. Goodbye, cat.

We had a couple of them here, shortly after our baby girl graduated high school. She and a friend got them from someone who had them on the side of the road, free to a good home. My wife doesn't hate cats so much as she fears them, so every time one of them jumped, so did she. Since they were kittens, that meant there was a whole lot of jumping going on. It only took about a week of that, after my daughter and her friend abandoned them to us, for us to decide they had to be donated while they were still young enough to be adopted. It was either that or hire a divorce lawyer.

I like cats, but I've never had the good fortune to live in a house of people who share my affinity.

So when I had the chance, Christmas before last, to cat-sit for some friends - whom I wanted to be better friends with anyway - it was definitely a two-birds-with-one-stone situation. I couldn't say yes fast enough! Every day I went over and spent about 20 minutes hanging out with Jackson. He seemed glad for the company, and condescended to allow me to pet him the whole time I was there, after feeding him and filling the bird feeders, of course. He was quite friendly, and would purr loudly pretty much the entire time I was stroking his fur. My friends added upside to upside: they thought this was worth gifting me for, not realizing what a gift they were already giving me. I still use the guitar tuner I bought with their gift card, all the time.

I think I got to sit him one more time before he moved away with them, and of course got to see him whenever I was over at the house. We were even reunited once at his family's new place, when my company sent me to that area on a business trip early in the year. I'm probably being silly, but it seemed like he was happy to see me, too.

Now I'm not going to see him any more.

I'm going to miss you, Jackson. Not like your family will, I know, but still.

Odd conversation from this morning

2011-12-20T13:14:00.000-05:00

"Oh crap!" I jump out of bed.

"I know what that's about!"

I dash to get the trash and recycle to the curb. "Let me grab the trash from this trash can." There is scattered mail paper on the floor around the overflowing can, as well.

"Just throw that whole thing in the recycle bin."

"Well, that might have been an option before I threw trash in there."

"What trash, when?"

"Well, this just now, and that," pointing to the dust and dirt I'd swept up, "the other night." I pick up some of those things off the floor and toss them in, too.

"Why are you throwing out those coupons!"

"I assumed they were trash! What are they doing on the floor?"

So, stuff to keep goes on the floor. An overflowing trash can full of recyclables. I'm so confused!

Odd conversation from last night

2011-12-20T13:02:00.000-05:00

"I must have worked out more vigorously today."
"Oh, why do you say that?"
"Because I finished 5 minutes faster."
Confused look.
"Well, normally, by the time I've warmed up for 5 minutes, then work out for 20, then cool down for 5, my CD is almost over, but today I had a whole song left."
Really confused look.

Then, I was being unreasonable for being confused.

Today's QC

2011-12-20T12:58:00.001-05:00

Worry Town

Today's Office of Readings

2011-12-20T11:59:00.002-05:00

O Lord, listen to my prayer
and let my cry for help reach you.
Do not hide your face from me
in the day of my distress.
Turn your ear towards me
and answer me quickly when I call.- from Ps 102

So many people I know are in great distress in this week of preparation. Family, dearest friends, prayer partners and coworkers are all dealing with grave difficulties, bearing heavy burdens. On their behalf, I offer up this psalm which, Lord Jesus, you yourself prayed as you walked with us.

Answer quickly, O Virgin. Reply in haste to the angel, or rather through the angel to the Lord. Answer with a word, receive the Word of God. Speak your own word, conceive the divine Word. Breathe a passing word, embrace the eternal Word.- from a homily In Praise of the Virgin Mother by St. Bernard, abbot.

This reading I've excerpted is worth consuming in its entirety. Though St. Bernard is writing to implore the Blessed Mother or, rather, to praise her in recognition of the challenge of her situation, these final three sentences apply equally well to us as we weigh our own "Yes" to Christ's presence in our lives. We fret over what our submission to God's will might cost us. It may be a concept we hold dear, or a freedom we embrace out of proportion to its proper place. It might be our self-determinism, being able to decide for ourselves what is right and wrong, without the influence of any authority to interpret sources we deem irrelevant to our day. Yet despite these reservations, it remains an unfathomable exchange rate. For a word which passes - at the latest, with our own passing - we receive the eternal, infinite Creator of all that is. We, too, must reply in haste!

Why do you delay, why are you afraid? Believe, give praise, and receive. Let humility be bold, let modesty be confident.- ibid.

Well, in this day and age, it generally isn't modesty that causes our hesitation. Nonetheless, let us not be afraid, but rather believe, give praise, and receive. The life in Christ is full of blessings!

First things first

2011-12-20T10:26:00.004-05:00

Pray first, then gripe. (If I pray first, maybe I won't still want to gripe?)

Conflicting needs

2011-12-19T19:55:00.001-05:00

Sometimes two sets of needs conflict so directly that it's obvious that both can't be satisfied. That can make for a contentious argument with the potential to deeply undermine a relationship.

Sometimes, though, it's obvious to anyone with the slightest ability to look at a situation objectively which set of needs shouldn't - or can't - submit to the other. In these situations, it falls to the other person to, first of all, recognize the truth. We often get so wrapped up in the plan we've developed to meet our own needs that we perform great feats of emotional gymnastics to convince ourselves that we are right and the other is being unreasonably demanding. But when we see that isn't the case, it gets way easier to yield. The challenge can be to do so without fomenting resentment, both immediately and in the longer term.

It can be kind of humorous when the other person seems geared up for an argument that they don't get. The room can resound with conflict scenarios until the self-fulfilling prophecy dynamic has a chance to dissipate. Patience becomes important.

Hopefully not to be continued . . .

Today's words

2011-12-19T12:09:00.000-05:00

These were both right there: not quite in my recall vocabulary, but I'd have probably known them both in context:

kegler - a person who bowls : bowler

raillery - 1. good-natured ridicule : banter 2. jest

True glory

2011-12-19T07:46:00.001-05:00

And so when my heart grew embittered
and when I was cut to the quick,
I was stupid and did not understand . . .
Yet I was always in your presence;
you were holding me by my right hand.
You will guide me by your counsel
and so you will lead me to glory.- from Ps 73

These words struck me this morning. When I am not spending regular time with God, considering his glory, basking in his love, it is easy for me to forget how I am blessed and to be overwhelmed by my burdens. Have I not demonstrated, over and over again, that my own strength is too puny for the challenges that I am going to face? I find the strength I need only in the Lord.

And yet I go weeks without setting aside time with you, Lord. I make time for the things that feel more important to me, and my soul grows weak, and I become embittered rather than thankful for your abundant, ever-present love.

God is man's glory. Man is the vessel which receives God's action and all his wisdom and power . . . If man, without being puffed up or boastful, has a right belief regarding created things and their divine Creator, who, having given them being, holds them all in his power, and if man perseveres in God's love, and in obedience and gratitude to him, he will receive greater glory from him. It will be a glory which will grow ever brighter until he takes on the likeness of the one who died for him.- from a treatise Against Heresies by St. Irenaeus, bishop

The degree to which I, fearful of how my desires might conflict with God's will for me - despite my good intentions to the contrary and even the reality that they do not - withdraw from God's presence so as to not risk whatever other thing I am idolizing in his place, I will find myself drifting and vulnerable. I may cling to my idol, which I will then have for myself, but it will bring me no joy or strength, and I will find myself drowning in the middle of the ocean.

It is only in seeking and entering into God's presence that I find the peace, strength, and joy that otherwise elude me.

It's only a song!

2011-12-17T23:00:00.000-05:00

I know it's only a song. So why does my sphincter tighten up when I hear it? Why do I leave the room, leave the building and walk around outside in the cold, until it's over?

It isn't as if I'm ever going to be able to go to an event without hearing it. I should just accept it peacefully.

But that would feel like I'm suggesting that my experience there wasn't so bad.

The Lord is close at hand; come, let us worship him!

2011-12-17T05:02:00.000-05:00

This is my favorite type of Advent, that ends with Christmas on a Sunday. Next year I will feel a little cheated that the fourth "week" of Advent only lasts two days; at least, since it will occur during a leap year, we'll miss out on that dreadful Christmas Eve on Sunday dynamic. At any rate, even though Christmas falls on the same calendar date, I have more time to get spiritually ready when the fourth week of Advent is longer. This year I needed it, as I've had so much going on emotionally that I didn't really start preparing in earnest until a week ago.

In today's Office of Readings, St. Leo the Great discusses the necessity of our being saved by one like us, using the ways God has appeared to his people throughout salvation history and the first Adam's effect on all humankind to prepare us for Christ's uniting of the divine and the human. I love how he seamlessly works his way toward the joyful difference that this wondrous truth makes in our lives today, as the same Holy Spirit who by whom the Divine nature took on human nature allows our human nature to take on the Divine. But he does a much better job in expounding on it than I do summarizing, so it's worth reading in it's entirety.

This week's readings will build to the climax of Christ's Incarnation and birth, and I love that we get all of them this year! Now I just need to make the time for them - though preferably not around the same time the monks of Gethsemani pray this hour daily!

A character statement?

2011-12-16T22:25:00.001-05:00

So I was meeting some people for dinner, driving separately because I was going straight from work. When I arrived, I looked around for their vehicle.

I was taken aback when I spotted it, in a space reserved for expectant mothers or parents of young children. They are neither.

Blind sided

2011-12-16T19:01:00.000-05:00

I was reading an article this afternoon by an advice columnist, answering a question about how adult siblings who have their own children are going to handle their gifting. The siblings have decided to gift the children, not the adults. The sibling who wrote in has no children.

None of which matters to me as much as this: in a moment, I realized how much I miss my sister.

The very next moment I realized how long it has been since I realized how much I miss her.

Channeling a 1970's comic:

2011-12-16T09:32:00.000-05:00

Love is . . . doing what's best for the loved one, even when it isn't what we want to do.

(Oh, it's still around?)

Begging for a reality check?

2011-12-16T07:56:00.000-05:00

One day I will learn not to write stuff like I wrote last night. I swear I will.

Another application of La noche oscura del alma concept

2011-12-15T20:43:00.002-05:00

We must then dig deeply in Christ. He is like a rich mine with many pockets containing treasures: however deep we dig we will never find their end or their limit. Indeed, in every pocket new seams of fresh riches are discovered on all sides. - From a spiritual canticle by San Juan de la Cruz

I suppose this is what keeps me coming back, no matter how often I may question my faith. Each time I do, I find something more, something deeper, that feeds me and helps me grow in a new way. I've found nothing to compare to the depth of Christ.

Would that men might come at last to see that it is quite impossible to reach the thicket of the riches and wisdom of God except by first entering the thicket of much suffering, in such a way that the soul finds there its consolation and desire. The soul that longs for divine wisdom chooses first, and in truth, to enter the thicket of the cross. - ibidem

I find myself applying these words in a different context to that intended by St. John, and yet maybe it is actually the same context.

I am greatly blessed to have a relationship with my wife which nurtures the both of us, allowing us to grow both as individuals and together, and to be amazed by the love we discover together through one another. Yet it has not always been thus. Far from it. We each entered into our marriage burdened with great impediments to our union and to our individual spiritual and emotional maturity. We gave each other ample cause to break off our relationship permanently, and the occasion when we were (I was) most determined to do so was thwarted only by our economic circumstances (God's perfect providence).

Because we bore with each other through these difficulties and, more importantly, entered into the thicket of much suffering which it took to make the changes we needed, we have discovered the riches and wisdom of our relationship together, finding there our consolation and desire. That isn't to say we're there yet. We each have ways in which we need to continue to grow, and we may not yet be finished needing help to get there.

St. Paul emphasizes how the marriage is a metaphor for God's love for us, so I think St. John would accept my misappropriation of his concept. We husbands are told, "Love your wives as Christ loved the Church." - Eph 5, 25. I have heard this paraphrased as "Go the way of the cross for your wives." Yet we attempt to bear our crosses under our own effort, and insist on seeing them as impositions upon us rather than as a choice we make freely to love fully. As a result, we too often feel we lack the strength to carry a much smaller burden than Christ would easily bear through and for us.

So this concept for which St. John is known most distinctly, the dark night of the soul that leads us into a deeper, fuller experience of God's love than we could ever know without entering into it, embracing it, hungering within it for God's presence and knowing that no other food could satisfy our ravenous appetite, applies to the marriage, as well. Yet our society rejects the idea that there could be a hunger with any purpose other than its own satisfaction. Our analgesic culture rejects the efficacy of pain. Our solutions must be instant, or we are ready to move on.

We should not tolerate or enable abuse. Aside from that, we would do well to bear the crosses of our marriage as burdens of love, through which both we and our beloved become the people we are to become. When you come right down to it, in each case that is a far greater person than who we may have thought we were dealing with as we entered into our marriage.

Likewise, when we struggle for any sense of God, we would do well to embrace our darkness for a while and give God a chance to brighten it in ways we could never imagine.

Another Fine allegation

2011-12-15T12:42:00.000-05:00

I've got to quit reading about this shit. (Yes, I said "shit." We should never use polite language when discussing sexual abuse.)

I think I've suggested as much before.

But I can't.

Today's word

2011-12-15T12:11:00.000-05:00

conversazione - a meeting for conversation, especially about art, literature, or science

And just when I was thinking I wasn't going to have anything to say here today!

Grace

2011-12-14T23:01:00.001-05:00

Lord, when I feel like I'm failing again
at being the man you call me to be
when I can't break a habit of thought, word, or deed
please, help me to just let you be, through me.

Prolix?

2011-12-14T12:41:00.000-05:00

After starting the year off fairly slowly, I seem to be finishing with my most prolific month ever, at least in terms of quantity of posts. As for quality, I leave judgment to the reader!

Season of longing

2011-12-14T12:38:00.000-05:00

I suspect that most of us, myself certainly included, are actually pretty good at longing. It's longing for what we really need that escapes us.

Do I long for happiness, contentment, and the things that I think will deliver those elusive emotions?

Or do I long for the One who alone can fulfill me, and for the interior changes that draw me nearer and allow him to live more fully within me, and thereby find the happiness and contentment for which we tend to long?

Blue Advent

2011-12-14T07:37:00.001-05:00

Woe to those who go down to Egypt for help, who depend upon horses;
Who put their trust in chariots because of their number, and in horsemen because of their combined power,
But look not to the Holy One of Israel nor seek the Lord! - . - Is 31, 1-3

I think we have become a society who has come to depend on the gifts of this world rather than accepting them as God's providence for us and continuing to depend on him. We seek the best answer that the available resources seem to present, rather than doing what we know to be God's will for us and trusting that the resources we need to do it will be there.

I'm not advocating reckless abandon. Taking stock is prudent. Yet sometimes we do what we know to be wrong because we can't trust enough to do what we know to be right. We look everywhere else for answers first, rather than looking to God first and then looking around to see the resources God provides for us to do as he reveals. And we seek our joy in the blessings around us, making them an end in themselves rather than a means to draw us closer to the One who provides every blessing.

I don't have anyone else in mind as I reflect on this. I just think that this may be the part of my present ennui.

Matthew Kelly has said that we can never get enough of what we don't really need. Maybe it's that we can never get enough of anything, of any combination of finite things, to which we may be looking instead of our infinitely loving God, who is in fact what we need.

Advent is a time of longing, and each year I embrace its tone. It looks as if I have finally entered the season.

Back to the reminder:

2011-12-13T22:26:00.002-05:00

Rejoice always, pray constantly, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. - 1 Thess 5, 16-18

God always provides the means for us to do what is His will for us.

I've professed this often.

I have experienced that God can provide the means for us to do what is His will for us even if we resist it. That is, if a course of action or decision is clearly to be ours, and we desire to follow that course, and yet the path that appears to lead to it is not one that we are willing or equipped to take, I have seen God bring it to be over my objections with regard to the path, because it was the only way to bring me to the course I was willing to accept, which was God's will for me. I have seen God provide me the means to do His will for me after crying out in frustrated resignation that I could not do it myself.

The Truth is greater than our limitations.

I believe this.

The Scoundrel and the Saint

2011-12-13T12:35:00.000-05:00

An athlete seeking glory for his name
A criminal condemned to die in shame
That teen shoplifting from the local mall
The scoundrel and the saint will clash in all

A mason painstakingly laying bricks
An addict stealing money for a fix
A businessman pursuing corporate fame
The scoundrel and the saint in all the same

A husband washing dishes for his bride
Clandestine lovers clinging to their pride
Magicians captivating with their tricks
The scoundrel and the saint both in the mix

A coach abusing one who cannot run
A banker striving for a big return
A loving father frolics on the floor
The scoundrel and the saint ever at war

I have within my heart two polar factions
and each awaits to see my chosen actions
Christ bore the cross to redeem all of me
And dreams that I will choose the life set free

More sports-related sexual abuse allegations

2011-12-13T12:28:00.000-05:00

On the one hand, I think it's a good thing that the world of sports no longer provides safe haven for sexual abusers of boys. The allegations against Bobby Dodd seem to testify to that, and it seems as if the AAU has learned from the intial response mistakes at Penn State and Syracuse. The thing is, men who've developed that behavior pattern should be scared to death now, and likely can't see any positive outcome. That may serve them right, but there is a very forbidding-looking road forward that can lead to healing for them and for their victims. They can't avoid the label they despise, but can still seek help for themselves and the boys they've hurt so deeply; to do so, they will also have to brave the legal consequences of their crimes. There just isn't any way around it.

At the same time, I'm waiting for the bombshells of sexual abuse committed against girl athletes to start dropping. I can't believe all of these allegations of crimes against boys don't have counterparts in the world of girls' sports, too. Perhaps (I hope!) there is far less same-sex abuse committed against girls, but I can't believe there are that many more abusive male coaches abusing boys than girls.

Today's words

2011-12-13T07:56:00.002-05:00

swivet - a state of extreme agitation

I think I may have heard this word before, but I'm not going to work myself into a swivet trying to remember for certain. A Kentuckyism, evidently.

favonian - of or relating to the west wind
plausive - manifesting praise or approval

These latter two were from today's Dictionary Devil puzzle. It's my favorite of the Merriam-Webster site's rotation of daily games, and it's usually serves me up with new vocabulary more frequently than the word of the day does. In this case, I was able to guess plausive based on the root plaus, common to both applause and plaudit.

More on mercy

2011-12-13T07:46:00.001-05:00

You are good at excusing and justifying your own deeds, and yet you will not listen to the excuses of others. It would be more just to accuse yourself and to excuse your brother. - The Imitation of Christ

I was reflecting on this tendency of ours just this past weekend in our men's fellowship group, and yesterday here. I think it is rooted in what Fr. Spitzer refers to as the comparative identity. The only way many of us know to feel good about ourselves is in comparison to others, and life becomes a sort of competition by which the "best and brightest" of us are the privileged few to merit God's favor (along with the rest of life's blessings). Even if we're aware of this dynamic, we tend to do this all the time, and we instill it in our children from a very early age.

The gift of Christ's love to one who knows they don't deserve it can set us free to discover our true value, which isn't in comparison to others but simply in being so loved by the God of the universe! Then we strive to respond to that love independently of how others may respond, but in the uniquely contributive way in which we are called.

There is joy in finding Christ present, even as we long for him to be present to us more fully!

Yesterday's reminders

2011-12-12T12:17:00.000-05:00

Here's the thing about yesterday's reminders, especially the first one. (I expect this to tie in with a post from October, too.)

When I first read the Thessalonians reading with our men's fellowship group on Saturday morning, I was immediately struck by how far I've gotten from it in just a few weeks. It is so easy for us to have our attention on the things that we're displeased with, especially frustrating circumstances that we can't really do anything about. When I get into that rut, I am easily discouraged and unappreciative of the many blessings I have, most especially the people who love me. The song of my life becomes a lament, a dirge of dissatisfaction. Unchecked, the death they herald is my own, as I become an unfruitful wasteland.

(Perhaps that, too, is overly bleak. Plants need a dormant period to recharge, and maybe we do, too.)

But the gift of praise, lifts us out of that quagmire, keeps us from being dragged down by the mud that otherwise weighs down our feet and steals the joy that motivates us to run the race with abandon. There is no set of circumstances in life that we should allow to rob us of the gift of rejoicing! If we are Christ's, what can the world set against us to steal from us our joyful gratitude!

The season of Advent is a good time to recognize whether dissatisfaction and grumbling has become our modus operandi. We're not using a wreath this year: no one bought candles. (It is my favorite sort of year for one, too, containing a full fourth week due to Christmas falling on a Sunday. This won't happen again until 2016.) When we use one, I pray by its light in the early morning, and love how the mornings gets gradually brighter as I spend time week by week in prayer. The joyful light of Christ's presence becomes gradually more evident as I am drawn nearer, eventually cascading into the brilliance of Christmas itself. I miss that this year. Now I must be faithful to my fresh awareness of the effect that my Advent preparations have on my life, and seek daily time to remember my many blessings and, most importantly, the perfect Gift of which they all serve to remind me.

The grace of salvation

2011-12-12T07:29:00.000-05:00

"O Lord, salvation is your gift and your blessing is upon your people; what else is your salvation but receiving from you the gift of loving you or being loved by you?" - William of Saint-Thierry

This idea that we have that the love of God is our birthright, by virtue of our being basically good people, is the chief obstacle to our practice of mercy. We think of ourselves as good people who make our questionable choices for good reason; others are asses.

Insofar and in such ways as we are good, this is the gift of God to us, too. Let us then be steadfast in sharing the mercy and grace we receive from God with those around us, and exercise that mercy in our thinking toward them, recalling even in the midst of our frustration that they, too, are God's precious sons and daughters.

The humble voice

2011-12-11T23:40:00.000-05:00

I thought this from St. Augustine was worth sharing in its entirety:

John is the voice, but the Lord is the Word who was in the beginning. John is the voice that lasts for a time; from the beginning Christ is the Word who lives for ever.

Take away the word, the meaning, and what is the voice? Where there is no understanding, there is only a meaningless sound. The voice without the word strikes the ear but does not build up the heart.

However, let us observe what happens when we first seek to build up our hearts. When I think about what I am going to say, the word or message is already in my heart. When I want to speak to you, I look for a way to share with your heart what is already in mine.

In my search for a way to let this message reach you, so that the word already in my heart may find place also in yours, I use my voice to speak to you. The sound of my voice brings the meaning of the word to you and then passes away. The word which the sound has brought to you is now in your heart, and yet it is still also in mine.

When the word has been conveyed to you, does not the sound seem to say: The word ought to grow, and I should diminish? The sound of the voice has made itself heard in the service of the word, and has gone away, as though it were saying: My joy is complete. Let us hold on to the word; we must not lose the word conceived inwardly in our hearts.

Do you need proof that the voice passes away but the divine Word remains? Where is John’s baptism today? It served its purpose, and it went away. Now it is Christ’s baptism that we celebrate. It is in Christ that we all believe; we hope for salvation in him. This is the message the voice cried out.

Because it is hard to distinguish word from voice, even John himself was thought to be the Christ. The voice was thought to be the word. But the voice acknowledged what it was, anxious not to give offence to the word. I am not the Christ, he said, nor Elijah, nor the prophet. And the question came: Who are you, then? He replied: I am the voice of one crying in the wilderness: Prepare the way for the Lord. The voice of one crying in the wilderness is the voice of one breaking the silence. Prepare the way for the Lord, he says, as though he were saying: “I speak out in order to lead him into your hearts, but he does not choose to come where I lead him unless you prepare the way for him.”

What does prepare the way mean, if not “pray well”? What does prepare the way mean, if not “be humble in your thoughts”? We should take our lesson from John the Baptist. He is thought to be the Christ; he declares he is not what they think. He does not take advantage of their mistake to further his own glory.

If he had said, “I am the Christ,” you can imagine how readily he would have been believed, since they believed he was the Christ even before he spoke. But he did not say it; he acknowledged what he was. He pointed out clearly who he was; he humbled himself.

He saw where his salvation lay. He understood that he was a lamp, and his fear was that it might be blown out by the wind of pride.

The gift of humility is to recognize the source of our gifts and to remember that their purpose is to glorify God, not ourselves.

A pair of reminders

2011-12-11T22:19:00.001-05:00

The first was from today's second reading. This is 1 Thess 5, 16-18:

Rejoice always, pray constantly, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

The second was from our bulletin, in the promotion for tonight's Evensong in honor of Our Lady of Guadalupe. They were the words spoken to Juan Diego:

Am I not here, who am your Mother? Are you not under my protection? Are you not happily within my fold? What else do you wish? Do not grieve nor be disturbed by anything.

Now, to receive these words as an encouragement and reminder rather than an indictment!

Unmotivated

2011-12-11T08:20:00.001-05:00

I feel like one of the people Goat starts off this strip complaining about. (Yes, I know it's just a setup for the stupid gag.)

The Saga of the Two Trees

2011-12-10T17:12:00.001-05:00

- My Last Tree Farm Visit Ever?

- or, How I Came to be Blogging Here Instead of Playing Guitar at 5:00 Mass

This year's tree hunting excursion got off to a later than expected start. I should have known that my second meeting would take up the entire morning. Even though the ministry teams' portion of the meeting has allegedly moved to earlier in the agenda, the music ministry needs to be in on the planning discussion for the quarterly gathering, plus we have an all-day healing workshop coming up in February that I'll also be supporting with music. My 10:30 early departure didn't occur until noon, at which time the meeting was still going strong. I needed to come home and eat, and the ladies (my wife and our daughter) couldn't gear up in their layers until we were almost ready to leave because they'd have sweltered. We probably pulled out around 1, with a plan to be back in time for Melissa and I to go to 5:00 Mass. That would give Teri plenty of time to get to her young friend Emily's dance recital at 6.

Our Shih-Poo, Col. Potter, comes along with us each year, and seems to relish some off leash time running around in the fields once we get out away from other tree hunters. Tracking down the right tree is an involved process, requiring a diligent search for the perfect specimen of whichever variety happens to strike our fancy. Scotch pines were always my mom's favorite, but we're more concerned with height and fullness than species. It generally takes us quite a while to find one we can agree on, which to my analysis is most directly dependent on our getting cold, tired, and frustrated enough for our standards to match the quality of the product available. I'm convinced that, by the time we choose our tree each year, we could go back to a half dozen we'd earlier rejected and they would be just as acceptable as the one we end up with. The whole process provides plenty of opportunity for Potter to get in a few longer runs. Since I'm less patient and mostly less picky than my family members, it has become a real plus for me when the weather is cold on the day we're tree hunting, as everyone else seems to make up their mind faster. I've started joking that I'm going to take a book along, sit in the car and read while they pick out a tree. Then they can call my cell phone when they've agreed on one and direct me to them.

The process is complicated by the fact that we're usually looking fairly late in the season. We've been going to this tree farm for a very long time, maybe longer than we've been in our house (18 years?). They've been open for a couple weeks now, but we usually end up buying ours around mid-December, early enough to get a lot of pleasure from it but late enough so we don't feel like we're pushing Advent out of the way too quickly, and so that the needles aren't falling all over the place by the time we take it down, usually around Epiphany. At any rate, because of when we like to buy, a lot of the best trees are already harvested by the time we start looking.

When we got to the farm today and asked where they had which varieties ready to harvest this year, the very friendly associate (well, everyone has always been friendly there) made sure we were aware that there were four rows of half-priced trees in an area they were trying to clear. Since Teri has always wanted a tree downstairs, too, I suggested this might be the year for that if we could find an acceptable specimen among the bargain trees. We agreed that our standards would be lower for this one, that even a "Charlie Brown" variety would be fine. So we took off for the far southerly reaches of the farm, giving Potter some of his off-leash time to bound through an area that was cleared of trees but had quite a bit of tall grass which he had to deal with. He was having a fine time.

It turned out that we found out "second tree" first, and it's no scrawny thing, either. It wasn't tall enough to suit us as our primary tree, but is actually fuller than I wanted for downstairs. The trunk was at the upper limit of what our existing tree stand will accommodate, so sawing this one down sapped me of quite a bit of energy. We loaded it up onto the tree wagon and resumed looking for our main tree.

Every tree we saw was either not tall enough, not full enough, or both. Scotch pine, blue spruce, white pine, Douglas fir; they'd all look fine from the north, but the only ones that passed muster from the south were too short for our taste. I finally found a lovely shaped pine, but it got rejected for height. The thing is, we can live with some barrenness on one side, as long as it doesn't extend too high, as we put our tree in front of our living room window so that the lower part of it is facing a wall. But too short is always a deal breaker; aside from the unwritten-but-generally-accepted family standard, it looks silly in the window.

We'd finally resigned ourselves to traipsing over across the road to the north end of the farm, after rejecting at least a half dozen trees I thought would be fine in our space. I made a snarky comment (or four) about it obviously not being cold enough for tree hunting, or that we clearly hadn't gotten cold enough yet. As we started working our way back, we kept looking at trees along the way, when what to our wondering eyes should appear but an acceptable tree! The problem was, we were going to need another tree wagon to get our two trees back to the main barn and our van.

Now, when I mentioned this dilemma, it was obvious that I would stay and start cutting on our main tree. Fortunately, the trunk was a little smaller than our other tree, though this one was taller. My foolishly unspoken assumption was that one of the two ladies would stay to push against the tree, providing a gap to keep the bow saw blade from pinching, while the other went back to get another wagon. Next thing I know, both ladies are headed, with the dog, toward the outlying barn, in the direction of the main barn. This second barn was probably about a quarter of the way back, and they were definitely too far away for me to call either of them back. So I set to work, eventually getting the width of the saw blade cut all the way around the base of the tree very near the ground. Now, this was my second tree, and my arms were growing considerably tired, plus I had no one providing a push against the tree, so the blade was starting to pinch. I had taken a couple breaks to look back down the path and still didn't see any sign of the ladies or Col. Potter, so I got out my phone to call to check on them. No answer on the first of their cell phones. No answer on the second cell phone. Finally, as I'm composing a text message, my phone rings.

It seems that a couple of things transpired. First, all the trudging around had both my wife and daughter worn out, the latter of whom was also experiencing pain in her back. More disturbingly, Potter had apparently gotten into an altercation with a loose dog at the main barn. They thought he was probably okay, but weren't sure. So, couldn't I just put the two trees on the one wagon facing opposite directions and pull the both in that way?

Well, seeing as I couldn't seem to finish getting this second tree cut down by myself, I rejected that plan and asked for some help. Very begrudgingly, my wife acquiesced to trudging "all the way back out there, and then all the way back again," and would bring another wagon with her. I went back to work on felling the tree. I'd been trying to push against it myself, and instead of bending where I had been cutting, the stump was moving in the ground. Where I'd been laying to cut it was frozen, but there'd been a bed of needles under the tree and especially around the trunk, and with all the rain we've had I'd been dealing with quite a bit of mud. I finally got a few more strokes of the saw through each side of the trunk, and was able to push the tree over to finish the job of sawing through it. But there was still no sign of the ladies walking toward me, and I was beginning to worry that maybe Potter was more seriously hurt than they'd thought. I thought I'd spotted my wife's baby blue coat a couple times, but the first was on a guy out tree hunting with his family, and the second person stopped by the stone house next to the outlying barn. I tried doubling up the trees as the staff had suggested to her, but they were both just too full for that.

When I called again to check on her, I was scolded for not knowing how far it was out there and for calling again to check on them, and told that they had reached the outlying barn. I soon saw the three of them, our daughter draggin' the wagon toward me, and Teri and the dog walking by the barn and appearing to then go back to the stone house next to it. When our daughter had covered about the remaining distance, moving very slowly because of the pain in her back, I met her and took over the pulling. I loaded the second tree up on the wagon, and told Melissa to start pulling "the lighter one," not realizing the shorter one was actually a little heavier. I pressed on ahead of her with the other tree, intending to get it back to the main barn and then return to help drag the other one back in. That actually went according to plan; I met them about halfway back toward the secondary barn and dragged that tree back in, too, after greeting our dog, who now seemed to be doing fine. He sure was skittish, though, when we got back to the main barn.

By the time I got both trees loaded into the van, it was about 4:15. Meanwhile, my wife had gotten a phone call indicating that the dance recital was from 4:30 to 6, rather than starting at 6 as she'd been told earlier. We rushed home and I got the trees out of the car right away so she could leave, but by the time she parked she was too late to see her young friend dance. There was absolutely no way for me to get the trees into water and get cleaned up for Mass.

On the way home I told her, "You have a year."

"A year for what?" she inquired.

"For me to forget that I've just sworn that I will never do this again."

Feeling middle aged

2011-12-09T17:42:00.001-05:00

Good thing. Much longer and I'd be old already.

Oops. Too late.

The thing is, most of cures that people (men) turn to for that ailment are illusory.

Why?

2011-12-09T07:39:00.001-05:00

I write for the same reason I breathe: because I must.

I've never wished I could just stop writing, though.

(No, I'm not currently wishing I could just stop breathing, either.)

The news cycle

2011-12-08T22:56:00.001-05:00

That Dottie Sandusky is convinced her husband is being lied about in the cruelest possible way and, in her viewpoint, grossly persecuted, is either pathetic or noble, but either way, IT ISN'T NEWS.

That Jerry Sandusky was arrested on additional abuse charges and can't make bail is news. By all means, report it. But that the wife of a purported perpetrator thinks that he's innocent, never heard a boy downstairs screaming for help, can't imagine that her husband could have done such a terrible thing? This conveys nothing other than expected information and contributes NOTHING to the news cycle. Now, if she had known about it for some time? That would be news worth reporting.

Humility, cont.

2011-12-08T12:11:00.000-05:00

The part I left out was the idea that gave me the title of the post. I play pretty well, but let's face it: no one's experience of Christmas liturgy is much enriched by what I do on the guitar.

(No, I am not fishing.)

Today's word

2011-12-08T12:10:00.000-05:00

Wallaroo - 1. a large reddish-gray kangaroo (Macropus robustus) -- called also euro. 2. either of two kangaroos (Macropus antelopinus and M. bernardus) related to the wallaroo

I've heard of kangaroos (of course) and wallabies. This is the first time I've noticed the wallaroo.

Freaks

2011-12-08T07:32:00.001-05:00

An old high school friend has posted that she wants to know when "they" are going to "protect our children from freaks like Jerry Sandusky." Please don't take offense, Kathy, but there are at least two things wrong with that. First of all, sexual abusers are entirely too commonplace to be referred to as freaks. Secondly, "they," as in "the government," cannot protect us from people like him.

A commonly quoted statistic is that one in three girls and one in six boys are sexually abused before adulthood. I'm careful about quoting such stats as fact without knowing the method behind them and whether the study has been replicated, neither of which I know in this case. But for every serial abuser we know about there are untold others others who commit their offenses against people they know, family members or friends who are vulnerable or who are in a vulnerable position. I can give you four examples I know of from my own family, only one of whom ever faced the consequences of his actions in this world (though two have gone on to face whatever awaits in the next; I pray it is, somehow, mercy). Still, it isn't freaks who sexually abuse children; it is ordinary-appearing men and women (yes, it happens to be men in the news now, but there have been plenty of women, too) who are broken in ways that drive their behavior in directions even they don't fully understand. It would be a huge mistake to excuse sexual abuse because of that, but likewise to demonize everyone who abuses as if such offenses are only committed by freaks. Either approach impairs our ability to effectively deal with this difficult and scary issue.

The government cannot protect our children from abuse, though neither can it abdicate its responsibility to prosecute it and protect our children from further offenses by the same perpetrator when it learns of them. Even diligent, loving parents can't always protect them, but that is the first and best defense. For children who lack such parents, other concerned, attentive adults in their lives are indispensible. But it is crucial that all of us ensure that appropriate boundaries are in place to keep our children safe. The two-adult approach isn't foolproof, but it's a start.

I'm sure to need to write more on this.

Humility

2011-12-07T22:28:00.001-05:00

I'm having to remember that Christmas is no more about the cool new music than it is about the gifts or the lights or any other trappings that we associate with it. Each of those plays a role in what we're supposed to be celebrating, but none of them replaces the simple truth of Christ's presence with us, that we will never again be separated from the One who loves us most.

So as everyone is practicing their cool new music and I don't have any, I have to let go of the jealous resentment that will otherwise poison my Christmas.

Remote blogging

2011-12-07T17:04:00.000-05:00

I was going to set up mobile blogging, about which I had some concerns. Then I remembered that I've already set up e-mail blogging, which is at least as easy (he said, assuming in advance that this test will work).

Cleaning up

2011-12-07T12:04:00.000-05:00

When I entered the kitchen to get breakfast this morning, I was greeted by the scene on the left and the stale, pungent aroma of last night's fajitas. The onion put a particular damper on my appetite, but I was probably most frustrated by the dried out remnants of cottage cheese in the container visible in the sink; this needed to be cleaned out before it could go into the recycle bin. Still, ten minutes later the kitchen and I were both ready for breakfast, and the mrs. had hers under way as well, as evidenced by the oatmeal envelope. (I should have put those toothpicks on the stove away before I snapped the second photo.)

I somehow doubt that this experience will teach me to spend that 10 minutes to take care of things before bed . . .

The inexorable march of December

2011-12-07T07:30:00.001-05:00

Today began an annual series of events spaced six days apart that always walked me through each December. My oldest cousin's birthday is December 7th. Six days later was my parent's anniversary. In another six days followed my sister's birthday (now it's one of our grandson's). Of course, the 25th was the best day of the year, and six days after that was New Year's Eve.

In memory, there feels like an undertone of anxiety around it all. I don't know if it was because of my dad's and uncle's alcoholism, or the effort to make sure the birthdays didn't get lost in the shuffle, perhaps the never-quite-articulated stress of the adults trying to make sure things were ready for Christmas, or some combination of it all. But in retrospect, even though this was the time I so anticipated, the memory feels a little tense.

Hmmm . . .

21st Century Gritswin

Skating

More of the visit

The joy of grandchildren

A blogging fool

Today's word

A dim candle

From Atheism to Catholicism

Two thoughts from Seneca

Decision point?

Dynamics

Benign?

Today's words

Gifts

A glimmer

An old poem

A conflict

words of a prophet

Today's words

Round numbers, of a sort

Today's word

Rough weekend

Unsettled

Today's words

Enough negativity

You're pulling my leg, right?

Bad approach to life

Exotic exile

In retrospect

More on breathing (updated)

How to not suffocate

Oops. It's over!

Of magi and kings

The benefit of doubt

Changed perspective?

Holy Christmas season!

Leftoverture

Rushing Epiphany, in a way

A carefully embedded gem?

Today's words

Interesting insight into the criminal justice system

Garbage not out . . .

Today's words

A good friend

Sibling love

Today's word

Burlesque

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Not sure how I feel

Abjectly

The Joy of Christmas

Fr. Matthew Kelty

Today's words

Reassurance

Today's Office of Readings

Returning to the scene

Heavy heart

Odd conversation from this morning

Odd conversation from last night

Today's QC

Today's Office of Readings

First things first

Conflicting needs

Today's words

True glory

It's only a *song*!

The Lord is close at hand; come, let us worship him!

A character statement?

Blind sided

Channeling a 1970's comic:

Begging for a reality check?

Another application of La noche oscura del alma concept

Another Fine allegation

Today's word

Grace

Prolix?

Season of longing

Blue Advent

Back to the reminder:

The Scoundrel and the Saint

It's only a song!